Happy Birthday Mila Part 2

More birthday fun! I had to do so many collages because I couldn't pick my favorite pictures from the many that we took! Mila had a blast on her birthday and she sure knows she's loved! 

Homemade Birthday Pancakes....Mila's favorite! 

There's no other place Mila would have rather spent her birthday than at the dance studio with Miss Erica! We went to a class and then stayed for a little lunch party for Mila! 

As you can see, she had the time of her life! You'd think the girl was in Disney World! 

I realize it's been a while since I did a Mila update, and now that she's 3 and all it seems like she grew up overnight!!! A Mila update is in the works! 

One more little birthday treat :) 

Dear Mila, 

On your 3rd birthday I can't help but remember the moment we locked eyes for the first time. It wasn't on the day you were born, but today we celebrate your tragically beautiful entrance into the world! As I watch you throw your arms up in celebration over and over and over again today I can't help but be reminded that those arms didn't always know a life of love and celebration. I can't help but hold you tighter today and praise the Lord that He redeemed your life and now you KNOW love. From frail, stiff arms that told me you had no idea how to be held or loved or celebrated, to healthy, chubby arms that hug freely, that reach heavenward shouting, "LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL." Happy Birthday beautiful Mila girl!

Love, Mama

P.S. You'll Always Be My Baby! 

Happy 3rd Birthday Mila Bean!

My emotions have been all over the board with Mila's upcoming 3rd birthday. Technically she's already 3 since Ukraine is 7 hours ahead of us...but I have one more hour to pretend my sleeping baby is still 2. Tonight we began her birthday celebration. I let her stay up until almost 10 pm (2 hours past her normal bedtime) because I couldn't stand the thought of putting this sweet 2 year old to sleep for the last time as a 2 year old. She's been though so much in her 3 short years and yet she has come out continuing to rise above, continuing to teach me about TRUE and UNCONDITIONAL love, continuing daily to remind me that I am so very blessed to be loved so greatly in this one and only beautiful life. 

 As we celebrated tonight, I couldn't help but think about what her birth day may have been like 3 years ago. I don't have stories to tell her of the day she was born. I can't tell her that her birth was one of the most beautiful moments I've ever witnessed, because I didn't.  I don't know if she was welcomed with love and excitement, only to find out she wasn't the child her birth parents thought she'd be. I don't know if her birth mother held her and snuggled her, or if she turned and walked away. I can't begin to imagine the pain her birth mother must have gone through when her daughter was born with a disability into a society that has little value or appreciation or room for a child with Down Syndrome. I can't look into my big beautiful 3 year old's eyes and tell her about her first breath in this world. I can't tell her about how beautiful she smelled in her newborn state. I can't show her her beautiful newborn pictures. I can't picture her first moments on this earth. I can't fathom her loss. I can't, without crying, think about her first days, weeks, and months spent alone on this earth. 

 I can, however, tell her that Jesus was with her during those first few breaths in this world and that he smiled down on her because He had big plans for her. I can tell her that He protected her and loved her and KNEW her before the beginning of time. I can tell her she is exactly the child that I never knew I always needed. I can tell her my soul feels as if we've never been apart. I can tell her I believe with all my heart that I was destined to be hers, and she to be mine. I can tell her that from the moment our eyes locked I knew my life would be changed in a way no other soul could ever begin to change me. I can tell her she is loved and cherished and valued today and forever more! 

Mila has accomplished so much in her three years in this world. She has touched so many hearts. She has so many gifts to offer this world. She wears her heart on her sleeve-never letting a day pass where she doesn't show her love in such a deep, unmistakable, all-encompassing way. The way she throws her arms around my neck and squeezes with every ounce of her being...the way she sinks all her weight into me as she lays on my chest...the way she smiles as if it's the best day of her life EVERY.SINGLE.DAY upon waking up....the way she looks into my eyes speaking to my soul without a single word needed....the way her smile lights up even the darkest day....the way she LOVES to LOVE...Mila is such a gift to this world and I'll be forever grateful that I was chosen to be her Mama and be on the receiving end of these gifts! 

Happy 3rd Birthday Mila Hope!! You are a gift! 

(More birthday pictures from tonight and tomorrow to come!) 

Happy 2nd Heart Day Mila Hopey Bear!

2 years ago today our sweet Mila Hope was recovering from Open Heart Surgery. I've been looking at her pictures for the past 2 days remembering the day we had to hand her over not knowing for sure if we'd get to take her home again. I can't think of any other day in my life that was harder than that day. We trusted the Lord and knew He had a plan for Mila's life! We are so grateful to CHP and her surgeon Dr. Morell for performing her life-saving surgery. It still amazes me how the Lord orchestrated our journey to Mila, how He sustained her and got us there just in time, and how He has redeemed her life. From tiny and sick, scared, malnourished babe, to strong, healthy, bright, and FULL OF LIFE. It's still tough to look at her pictures, but our sweet girl is a survivor by the grace of God! It is my privilege to watch our beautiful girl grow up....and I never forget for even one second that her life is a TRUE miracle! Happy Heart Day (12/19) Mila Hope!

Mila: miracle, favoured, emulating, pleasant or soft

Happy Metcha Day Mila! October 19

We met Mila TWO years ago! So many emotions have been swirling around my head remembering the day we met Mila. Many families in the adoption community choose to celebrate "Gotcha Day," but we've always chosen to celebrate "Metcha Day" instead. The days we met our daughters were the most special days of my life. Just reading my "Metcha Day Post" from Mila's adoption puts me right back in that tiny room laying my eyes on Mila for the first time ever. If you've been reading for a while, you'll know our road to Mila was very broken and didn't seem to make much sense. We had committed to another child and lost her several weeks before we were to travel. We were devastated to say the least. Mila, who had JUST been listed on Reece's Rainbow, was named "Harlene." When we were still committed to the other child, I remember seeing her picture and posting her on my facebook page-something I rarely do. Here is the story of how we were led to Mila. In only a way that God could do, He orchestrated everything perfectly because we needed Mila and she needed us....from the beginning of time-I'm sure of that! 

Mila is the only one of our daughter's whose birth name we changed. Her birth name was "Zlata." Already having a child with a "Z" name and knowing how tricky that name was to say, we decided to change it but keep a name from her heritage and thus chose "Mila" meaning "miracle." Indeed she is. I cannot adequately describe that initial connection with Mila other than to say it was an absolutely instant bond and no other soul on this Earth has ever spoken to my heart so loudly with just the look of their eyes. Her gaze bore deep into my soul and an amazing feeling of PEACE drown out all the worries about how sick she appeared. It seemed that every sound and every movement in the tiny room were quieted as I was completely entranced by her beautiful soulful eyes. She stared deep into my soul speaking louder than any words I've ever heard. 

It was possibly the most magical, captivating, "close-to-Jesus-this-side-of-heaven" experience I've ever been a part of. 

And then.....oh THEN! Seeing Shawn hold her for the first time and watching her melt into his chest as if to say, "I can finally rest...." well THAT was a beautiful sight. She was so tiny and looking at these pictures of Shawn holding her reminds me just how little she was. Her blue complexion was a sign of how sick she was, but WOW this child was and is a fighter. She held on just long enough and the Lord led us right to her not a moment too late. 

To celebrate we gave lots of extra hugs and snuggles and shared stories about her adoption journey. I told her her adoption story for the first of many times to come! We celebrated her LIFE and we continue to thank God that He chose us to be her parents!

Happy Metcha Day Mila Bean! 

Happy Metcha Day Mila!

This Time Last Year.....

It was 4am Ukarine time and we were about half way through the super long 16 hour overnight train to Mila's region. So many thoughts and emotions were running through our heads (Surely I can tell you not one of them had anything to do with ever thinking we'd be embarking on another adoption journey a year later!). We knew our baby girl was sick, but we had no idea just how sick she really was. We knew she desperately needed surgery. We knew we were in the exact right time and moment. We knew we had followed the Lord through the brutal twists and turns our adoption journey took. We knew our lives were about to be forever changed. We had no idea how much Mila would teach us about HOPE and STRENGTH and MIRACLES. And we certainly had no idea just how much we would come to love that tiny 7 pound frail baby girl that God had sent us to. We were so unprepared...

We were unprepared to witness first hand your stiff weak body....

We were unprepared for the way you'd grab on and never let go!

We were unprepared for the way you'd stare so deeply into our souls as if we'd known one another forever already...

We were unprepared for the way you'd snuggle right up to your Daddy as if you'd been waiting for him your whole life....

We were unprepared for you to learn to trust so quickly after rarely having ever been held...

We were unprepared for your amazing fighting spirit

We were unprepared for those soulful eyes that shouted "I'm in here and I'm fighting and I've been waiting for you"

We were unprepared for your ability to hold on so long....

We were unprepared for our hearts to grow three sizes in one moment

We were so unprepared to be so completely blessed by you! 

Of all the ways we were unprepared, we were most unprepared to feel so completely in love despite our fears of losing you. We were unprepared to feel the Lord's peace surrounding us, knowing He promised HOPE for your life. 

Mila-bean, 

I can't believe it was a year ago. Sometimes when I think about it, I can put myself right back in that tiny room, holding that tiny baby who is only a shadow of the daughter you are today. Sometimes I can close my eyes and remember that first day with crisp clear details as if it happened yesterday. Then, sometimes, I look at the beautiful child you are today, and I feel so far away from that day a year ago. Over the last year you have changed me, my beautiful daughter. You have shown me that one's heart can be so broken and yet so hopeful at the same time. You have taught me that human touch and love is essential to this life. You have opened my eyes even wider to remind me that all children, even those who've been written off, deserve  to be loved so completely and so entirely. You have changed my heart forever from that first moment I held your fighting little shell of a body. When I look back on our time with you in Ukraine, I see it through a thin veil separating reality from dreams, separating this earth from heaven. Never have I felt so close to heaven than the days we spent in Ukraine with you. There was something so magical about feeling so peaceful despite understanding the gravity of your condition. You have blessed me more than you'll ever understand. I can't wait to wake up to your beautiful face for a million more days, remembering where you came from, where you've been, and dreaming of where you're going in this one and only beautiful life! 

Love, 
Mama

Happy 10 Months Home Mila Bean!

Well clearly, Mila is no longer a jelly bean in size, but the name definitely stuck :) I can hardly believe our sweet girl is the same child who was placed in our arms almost a year ago. I came across this video tonight and it had been some time since I last watched it. It still takes my breath away every time I watch it to see her so stiff and lifeless. But it also makes my heart happy to see her starting into my eyes and soul and knowing that from that day forward she never experienced another day without knowing love.

I remember being so worried about why she was so stiff and rigid, among other worries. I then learned this is a common posture for crib babies who have no idea really how to be held and snuggled. Mila was mostly kept in her crib because the staff thought that this was best for her since she was so sick. I wish so badly she didn't have to experience her first 7 months of life without us, but I trust that she came into our lives, and us into her, in the exact moment that we were meant to meet one another.

As much as it hurts to look back, it feels so good to know that God truly revived our beautiful daughter. He's not finished with her yet, either! 10 months later and I smile knowing where she came from, witnessing how far she has come, and looking forward to the beautiful future she has a head of her!

9 Months Home!

Yesterday we celebrated 9 months home for Mila! We celebrated by having her last baba :( She has been down to one bottle a day for a while now and it was really more for me than it was for her. I loved snuggling her and watching her fall asleep drinking her bottle before her nap, but she was clearly losing interest in the baba. She knows bigger and better things are ahead I guess!

Having a bedtime snack and watching Mickey Mouse!

Beautiful Blue Eyes!

I love her little chin!

Smiling so big you can't even see her eyes!

The "look"

Smiling at Mickey Mouse!

Love this face!

Big Girl Milk-drinking!

Relaxin' in her pink chair!

Blowing Raspberries back at Mama!

Silly Girl!

Mila's new do after her haircut today!

Signing more (for more snacks) while mama keeps taking pictures

Continuing to sign "more" while Mama ignores her

Okay when that doesn't work just cry! That seems to get Mama's attention every time!!

Mila's first haircut today! She happily sat there and listened to me sing Baby Beluga! 

The past 9 months have been full of ups and downs and lots of growth, on Mila's part, and our ours as parents. She is teaching us so much and proving that love heals! We thank God for allowing us to be her parents! Happy 9 Months Home Mila!