Thursday, August 19, 2010

Therapy with Groceries!

When we visited Shawn's family at camping Zoya loved playing with all the boxes/cans/bags of food in two rubbermaid containers they had brought. When I saw her doing this I thought what good work for her finger strength and leg and core strength by bending and squating and good problem solving practice. She liked taking the items from one bin and putting them in the other and back and forth. So a week after camping I set up some bins with groceries and BAM and hour of fun and therapy without Zoya even knowing! Zoya is the kind of kid who, if she thinks it is work you might as well forget it! You have to trick her into working for therapy! Here are some pics of our fun grocery therapy!

Two bins filled with groceries of various weights and sizes

Trying to half kneel stand...look at that determined look!

Working on leg and core strength by bending to pick up Mya's toy to throw in the bucket

Taking an inventory....(ps the egg carton is EMPTY)

Moving away from the couch to throw items in

More bending to work on leg strength

Using two hands to pick up items squatting and standing and throwing...love the look on her face!

Picking up one item in each hand!

Not really a good therapy position but I think she is practicing for shotput in summer olympics 2026

Stacking and problem solving

More stacking

Standing from middle of the floor using only ONE HAND to push up!!

So if you're looking for a cheap and fun idea to incorporate OT and PT...working on hand/eye coordination, finger strength, core and leg muscle strength, problem solving, and just good old fun...this is a great idea to try!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Pretty Pretty Big Girl Princess...Some Thoughts on My Baby Girl

5 months ago today, on St. Patrick's Day, I could have never imagined what Zoya would be like 5 months later. I could have never imagined she would have learned as much as she has. I could have never imagined her starting to look like a big girl.  When I look back on our "Metcha Day" I just remember a helpless sad little soul who still had some fight left in her.  She couldn't be further from that memory today.  Each day I am starting to see that helpless little baby from March 17th turn into a big girl. Her pudge is leaving her cheeks and her belly a little at a time. She does big kid things like try to snap her fingers and dance with her body to the beat of the music. She is feeding herself. She wants to be so independent and is working so hard to walk as her primary means of movement. She wants to brush her own teeth now (of course I only let her after I've already brushed them good). She is starting to express her opinions on things which has been oh so fun (most of the time the opinion expressed is "I'd rather not be doing what you want me to do right now" but it is an opinion none the less and I treasure that).

In so many ways I can't believe that Zoya is growing up right before my eyes...I expected her progress to be much slower I have to admit. I expected to have more time with her being a "baby." I expected that she would blossom, but not this fast. I can only thank God for all the changes we have seen in such a short period of time. It is beyond amazing to watch her come to life. We had two main goals for Zoya when we adopted her and that was for her to use her God-given talents in this life whatever they may be, and secondly to JUST. BE. HAPPY. She is happy without a doubt. Her God-given talents are beginning to unfold and it is so fun to watch. Like I've said before, when I grow up, I want to be just like her. She gets it...LIFE that is. She knows what is important. She loves with an open heart. She doesn't hold a grudge. She shows her affection a million times a day. Of all these things, I realized today, while we were at the mall, the thing I love the most about Zoya is how she doesn't care what other people think of her. As we were strolling through the mall in and out of stores, different songs would be playing in each store. As we went into every store she would throw her hand up, start trying to snap her fingers, and shake her hips and shoulders with all her might, without a care in the world who was watching. Dance like nobody is watching....check.  Love like you've never been hurt.....check.  You see, one thing I have trouble with in this life is expressing my emotions (gratitude, excitment, thankfulness, sorrow, and so on) in front of others...face to face....or in a place where other people can see me having those emotions.  I would so love to be able to walk into the Gap or Wegmans and just start bustin' a move.  But I can't do that.  But maybe one day, with Zoya by my side, I just might have to do that!

Zoya is content in each moment of the day while the rest of us spend our time waiting for life to begin. We spend time waiting for one chapter to be over and another to begin. Zoya spends her time cherishing and admiring each letter of each word on the page. Wherever she is and whatever she is doing, she is there doing it with all her heart and focused completely on that one moment. What an amazing way to live. I look up to my little girl.

So since she is getting to be such a big girl, at the last minute of our mall trip, I changed direction and took Zoya to get her ears pierced. I was sweating and my heart was pounding because I felt like an awful mother because I knew she'd cry. In fact I was so sure that she would cry and scream that (because I do care what people think of me unfortunately) I paid ahead of time and was ready to bust outta there, run to the parking lot, get her out of the stroller and hold her and apologize while she cried. She. didn't. flinch! She was more upset with the girl trying to put a dot on her ears! Ears pierced, lollipop and a nice calm walk to the car with no tears. In so many ways I see glimpses of Zoya as a big girl....but for now and probably always, I will still think of her as my baby. She indulges me by letting me snuggle with her on the couch, or asking me to rub her belly, or insisting that I pick her up and hold her all day long some days! I am so blessed with my pretty pretty-wanna be big girl-but will still always be my baby-princess!

Monday, August 16, 2010

Tear Duct Surgery Part II

Zoya is home and napping after her tear duct surgery this morning.  It went well for the most part. The doctor was 40 minutes late getting back to take her and so by that point the nice "happy juice" they gave her started to wear off.  The surgery took about 25 minutes and then they came back to get us. I could hear Zoya crying as soon as we walked in the door. For about 30 minutes or so she was unconsolable which they say is a common reaction in children when coming out of the anesthesia. She wasn't just sad, she was MAD. She wanted the IV out and she wanted it out like yesterday. When I tried to put her shirt back on she hit me! Little stinker...she has NEVER done that before! I guess we will keep all this in mind when she turns 21 if she would ever like to consume "happy juice" LOL. Anyways...here are some pictures to show you our cute little patient (although I did not take any after the surgery...she was too upset and so was I). Man I don't know how some of you mommas do this when it comes to big surgeries!!

On our way...I had to wake Zoya up and she didn't want to get up! Then she was wide awake and dancing, then she got sleepy again!

Just reading the paper while she waits!

Playing in her too big hospital gown.

She started eating up all the attention and laid down and rubbed her belly (this is what she does when she wants ME to rub her belly either when she is sad or sleepy).

New fashion trend?

About 10 minutes after the "happy juice."
Thanks for your prayers...glad it is over and hoping she is back to her normal happy self very soon!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Tear Duct Surgery Tomorrow

Please say a quick prayer that Zoya does well for her tear duct blockage procedure tomorrow! It is a quick procedure but I am one nervous momma....this will be her first time undergoing anesthesia since her heart surgery! It is tomorrow morning at 8am. Thanks!

An Awesome Visit

Yesterday Lyla's Family came to meet our family! This is the family that was in the article that I posted HERE. We were so excited for an opportunity to meet this beautiful family and share our hearts with them. It is so nice to spend time with another family who has similar hearts and passions for orphans. The Spitz family is amazing! They work together so well and are one of the most kind and happy families I have ever met! I hope we can raise Zoya to be as compassionate and caring as the "big kids" in the Spitz family. I know their blog name is "Lucky to Love Lyla" and really they are so lucky, and I'm so excited for the blessing they are soon to receive, but even more I am so thrilled to think that Lyla will be joining such an amazing family! I have a feeling that she will experience love she never could have imagined! Lyla's momma is so excited just to meet her and hold her and pour all of her love into her! I have no doubt Lyla will never look back!

Zoya really liked Dave and went straight to him when he got out of the van like she had known him forever! (If you check out their blog that I linked above you can see a picture of that). I figured Zoya would go right for the boys since she likes boys so much, but to my surpise she attack hugged Sara! (about 15 times). Sweet Sara just smiled and hugged back while trying not to fall over because Zoya was hugging her so hard. This is why we call Zoya "everyone's not so favorite great-aunt" because she attacks with hugs and kisses and doesn't moderate her strength of hugs or kisses based on the other person's size!! Zoya also really enjoyed Sara's pigtails and might have pulled them once or twice...oops. The kids played outside and splashed around in the water table. Zoya had fun splashing like a maniac and watching Sara run away. Zoya kept signing "more." LOL. And Owen, what a blessing! He melted our hearts...I especially loved the fact that he kept calling our dog Mya "Sandy" because he thought she was the dog from the movie Annie!! One time, he said to Mya, "c'mere honey." Too sweet! And the older three Spitz kids....just amazing! Summer and Dave should be so proud because those kids have such big hearts and I so can't wait to see how they pour their love into Lyla too!

We had a cook out and enjoyed eachother's company and some good food! Summer and I both meant to take a million pictures, but we were so busy with the kids and talking with eachother that we only got a few. Good thing the few we got are GREAT!

We celebrated with an ice cream cake!! Can't wait to meet Lyla!
(P.S. Here is the conversation at Dairy Queen:
DQ worker: "What color writing would you like?"
 ME: "How about purple?"
They hand me this cake and I say, "Looks great!" LOL)

At one point Summer and I were chatting and Shawn walks out of the house and says, "Sarah do you see your daughter?" I started cracking up when I saw this:
Yes, we've been working on eating with a fork instead of our hands and Zoya is such a well behaved girl that when she finished eating the pieces I had cut up, she went straight for the other half of the burger....the half that wasn't cut up....and yes she used her fork to pick it up. Too bad it was too big to fit in her mouth. She eventually figured it out and took bites off of it like a caveman!

And can I just say, we had a blast trying to get this picture!! Dave figured out how to use the timer on my camera and we got all set up, Shawn hit the button and ran over to join the picture. I laughed when I saw it and I think it looks like a family reunion picture or something!! It is precious!

It was a breath of fresh air to spend time with this great family! It reminds me that there are many others fighting to make a difference for a child who much of society has written off as damaged and broken and worthless.  There are families who cherish and value orphans in distress!  There are families who sacrifice to follow God's calling no matter the cost! There are families that put others before themselves and work as a team to make a difference! The Spitz family is one of these families!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

A Busy Weekend

Friday Shawn and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary. My brother came into town to babysit so we could go out to dinner and a movie! Thanks Bub! While at dinner we talked about how small little choices or happenings in life can sometimes take our lives on a turn we didn't imagine. The night Shawn and I met we were at a concert. I didn't want to go out that night but my roommate insisted and bugged me until I caved and finally gave up and went along with her. What if I never would have gone? Would Shawn and I have met in some other place and some other time? What ifs can go on forever....the obvious what if was what if we never met...surely we would not have Zoya? When we get to thinking about all the what ifs we are reminded that God is in control of the bigger picture and he is driving the bus....not us! He knows whats best even when we can't wrap our minds around why things happen the way they do.  He puts us in specific places at specific times....some of those small places and times turn into life changing events!

So thankful for this man, my husband!


On Saturday we visited Shawn's family who was camping for the weekend. Zoya's first camping day was filled with lots of fun, dirt, eating rocks, visiting grandparents, aunts and uncles, and getting to know her cousin Mattea up close and personal!

Zoya found some time to do some PT!

Loving the long grass

Zoya loves her cousin Mattea. She was wanting to give her famous "great aunt" hugs and kisses but we had to show her how to be gentle with a baby!

Chillin' with her new hat from Grandma and Grandpa

Finding Grandpa's nose....lately Zoya has to touch everyone's noses! Oh and she always steals his hat.

Inside her ladybug tent with Grandpa

Grandma is very popular with the girls!

Trying to get a picture of the 2 grandkids at Grandma's request...this proved pretty funny!

Family Photo Attempt?

My lovey girl couldn't stop hugging to pose for the picture...that's okay I like this one better!

Are you seeing a theme here with requested posed photos? :) Grandma and Grandpa with the two grandkids....Take 1

Take 2...

A break for a kiss....

Take 4?

Take 5. This might be the winner!

Lookin' cool in her shades with Daddy

And when we got home Saturday night Zoya was pretty tuckered out. She even snuggled with Uncle Bub while watching signing times.  She does NOT just snuggle with anyone! She loves her Bub and so do we!

Zoya is still wiped out from the busy weekend!! She has been sleeping longer and took over a 3 hour nap yesterday and was still ready to go to bed earlier than usual last night. As I type this she is laying on the couch next to me watching Clifford (not something we usually see from Zoya!) Every time we have a busy couple of days Zoya takes about 3-5 days to recover! I have to remember that she has only been home less than 4 months and she is still getting used to being on the go after spending many of her days laying in a bed!  I try to compare it to how I would feel if I were laid up in a hospital for a year or two....every day would be exhausting. Sheesh I remember how I used to feel going back to work after lounging around all summer....completely exhausted! This year will be different, I'll still be completely exhausted but not because I lounged around all summer.  Anyways....we're hoping for some restful days for August but that doesn't look likely! The business continues!

Sunday, August 8, 2010

The Things You'll Do For Your Kids!

Like squeezing yourself into a tiny kiddie ride because your daughter needs you to do that! Oh how I love this man!!

We went to Waldameer Amusement Park today for Shawn's work picnic. Our goal was only for Zoya to be in the way crazy overstimulating environment with as little anxiety on her part as possible. We did not intend on having her try any rides as we thought that would be way too scary for her, especially with the sensory processing issues we've been working with.  I mean it took weeks just to get her to go on the merry go round at the zoo!  This "frog hopper" ride was the second ride of three Zoya went on. We would have never thought about putting her on this ride since it bounces up and down and has so much movement but we stood and watched kids get on and off the ride and after a few times Zoya reached over toward it like she wanted to go on. Shawn and I were hesitant but I could tell she was really interested so we thought what the heck. We knew she wouldn't do it without one of us so Daddy got to be the lucky one to ride with her (he picked the short straw!). We didn't really think she'd do the ride and thought we'd sit her in the seat, she'd cry and we'd walk away without going on the ride. BUT SHE DID IT!!

Shawn thinks this is pretty funny.

Zoya is thinking, "seriously you kids think this is fun? you're nuts!"

She only looked like this for the first part of the ride! I yelled to Shawn, "squeeze her" when she started getting anxious and I got a few funny looks. Our OT suggested using "proprioceptive input" (pressure on the muscles, joints, and touch receptors) when Zoya is having anxiety from sensory issues. Some things we do for proprioceptive input are bear hugs and gentle squeezes.  Proprioceptive input is thought to be good for kids with sensory processing issues because it overwhelms sensory input from physical and mental sensory stresses on the nervous system. It is also thought that proprioceptive input can help to release serotonin from the brain which helps to relax the body. This works amazingly well with Zoya!

Oh and I forgot to mention that when the frog hopper ride was done I was so excited that Zoya did it that I was jumping up and down clapping and cheering and so then Zoya started smiling and clapping too. At the end of my excitement I noticed everyone was staring, a few people with smiles. I'm still wondering if they were thinking, "lady you're on drugs" and telling their own children "this is why you don't do drugs" or if they were thinking "awww look how proud that momma is." I'm hoping for the second, but not holding my breath after doing an instant replay in my head! Like I said, the things you do for your kids! And I'd do it again! No shame!
Zoya also went on the merry go round and was as relaxed as ever! I was nervous because this ride is much longer than the one at the zoo. Zoya even sat on the horse before the ride started, but for the ride she was most comfortable on Momma's lap. Soon I have a feeling she will want to ride the horses though! She was so relaxed I thought she might fall asleep!! What a difference from the first merry go round ride a few months back where she held on for dear life and cried.

And the big rigs...sitting on Momma's lap again.

Shawn and I were very amazed at how well Zoya did on the three rides and just being in such a crazy loud overstimulating place! Zoya's biggest challenges are with sensory related activities and we have seen such a huge improvement in this area especially since starting the therapeutic listening!

So if you're like me you're wondering why some kids, like Zoya, have such difficulty processing sensory input. My thought is that Zoya's difficulty lies much in the fact that she lived in an orphanage for almost two years. I can't think of a less stimulating place to spend your early years, you know the years when your brain is developing more than any other time? I am quoting some info from THIS WEBSITE to help explain a little about children from orphanages/institutions and how that affects their sensory processing.

"All this sensory disorganization has to do with the brain's chemicals, the hormones they produce, and the effects of those hormones on the child’s ability or inability to accurately process the sensory input of touch, movement, taste, sound, smell, and sight. In an institutional setting, many, if not most of these sensory components, are missing or diminished. Orphanages are quiet places. Often the light is very dim and auditory and visual stimulation is at a minimum. Children don't get the opportunities for enough movement or touch. There is very little variety in diet, much of it is soft, and often there is barely enough food to keep a child adequately nourished. Extra-large holes in bottle nipples speed up the feeding process, but never allow the development of good sucking skills. Interaction between children and/or between children and caretakers is minimal. Beyond the orphanage window is a very small, circumscribed, unchanging picture of a world waiting to be explored by children who have no opportunity to do so. Normal cycles of need aren't rewarded with comfort. Lack of stimulation in all these sensory areas interrupts production of the beneficial hormones needed for a state of calm - hormones which are released when children feel a mother's gentle touch, see the warmth and approbation of her smile, or sense the safety of her fierce protectiveness. Instead, high levels of stress hormones flood the brains of these confined children who have rotating caretakers, causing different neural development than that which is normally seen in healthy, nurtured children. The deficits and atrophy these high stress hormone levels create cause a child's perceptions to be processed in a distorted manner. Under these circumstances, it is easy to understand why a child would be very frightened, confused, or overstimulated after institutional care.
The good news is that the brains of most children from institutional settings are plastic enough throughout childhood to be healed and made whole, even when considerable damage has taken place. It takes work. Most of the time it takes some therapy and early intervention. It always takes time, patience, gentleness, kindness, and understanding. First, we must learn to recognize a sensory disordered and frightened child when we see one. New parents need to learn how to calm that frightened child, and that child must learn to accept a state of being calm within his or her new surroundings. Once a state of fairly normal equilibrium is reached, stress hormones sufficiently reduced, and the fight or flight response moderated to low levels, young brains will begin to perceive the world differently - less threatening and more bearable. With time, the appropriate stimulation and retraining, these children can begin to process sensory input in normal or near normal ways, and the potential for a happy and complete life for that child is possible."

This is exactly what we are starting to see with Zoya. All of this stuff is so interesting to me. Zoya's sensory issues make a lot more sense to me when I remember how under stimulated she was for so long and how her brain did not make the connections that most babies brains make as a result of being stimulated....however, it is NOT too late and her brain is beginning to make those connections now and sensory activities are becoming less scary and even enjoyable for her now. I'm sure this is something Zoya will always struggle with a little but it is so awesome to see how far she has come!

I have so much more to blog about...we've been so very busy...Shawn and I celebrated our 5th anniversary on Friday and we spent Saturday camping with family. We are busy busy getting ready for me to go back to work, therapy appointments, and getting a letter and pictures together to send to Zoya's orphanage (with a family who is adopting a little one from Zoya's groupa!!). More to come on those activities!!!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

And Then There Are Days Like Today!

Thank God for all the great amazing days where everything clicks and I feel like a rock star and I feel like I am the best mother in the world! Days where I can see without a doubt the progress Zoya has made, days where she does something new and I realize how fast my baby is growing up, days where she is happy all day long and we have dance parties in the kitchen, days where the stars are aligned and everything is just peachy. Motherhood is a rollercoaster and the dips only make the peaks all that more exciting and well earned!

Zoya is doing so much lately...so much talking and walking! Shawn said to me today, "when did all this happen?" and I said, "when did all what happen?" He said, "like her pulling herself up and being tall enough to look out the window?" And it's true. I looked back on some pictures of when we were first home and she is losing her "baby" look :( She has grown so very much in the short time we've been home. She has gained 3-4 pounds and is 4 inches taller!!!
Seriously, where did this baby go?
It's bittersweet to see all the changes!

There are a couple cute videos I wanted to share from this morning.  I bought Zoya a cheap mirror that she can move around from room to room, and get dirty fingerprints and smooches all over it because it's her very own! She just loves watching herself in the mirror. The other day while I was holding Zoya she was looking at a picture of herself which was behind my back. I didn't realize she was looking at the picture and I saw her point to herself and say something that sounded a lot like "Zoya." Then she pointed at the picture and I turned around to see in fact it was her! She has been saying her name a lot and it is just the cutest thing ever! Mostly it comes out as "doya" or "oya" and one time it was "yaya."


 
We've also been working on body parts. Zoya had a really hard time with this for a long time. Lately she has just picked up on it like it was never hard for her. One of the therapists suggested that maybe since she started the therapeutic listening she is beginning to understand where her body is in space (an issue lots of kids with sensory problems struggle with). Before the TL I would say, "where is your nose?" and she would try so hard to find it with her finger but couldn't find it anywhere...but she could always find MY nose. Now it is much easier for her. You can see her trying soooo hard to say her name! Some times it comes out easily and others she has to work to get it out!


 
And this one is me trying to get her to cooperate and point to body parts, but you can see she was distracted. Watch it all the way to the end because she says her name very nicely and clearly the second time at the end!


And here is a cute one of Zoya "getting hurt" and whining/crying, and now all I have to say is, "Kisses, All Better" and she cuts off the whining just like that!

Sunday, August 1, 2010

One of those days...

First of all, sorry about the lack in posts. I've been sick, and also stressing gearing up to become a working mama for the first time (I go back to teaching full time the last week in August and am dreading leaving Zoya so some prayers would be nice). This is one of those posts where I'm posting just to vent and I really don't want any "don't be so hard on yourself" orself-affirming comments, so I've turned the comments off on this particular post. I need to just feel how I feel without anybody trying to talk me out of it, while knowing others are reading and remembering I'm not perfect....we're not perfect....our life is not perfect (although most days it's pretty darn good). It is what it is and I know there will be more days like today.  Thankfully God is in charge of the bigger picture.

It's one of those days where I'm ready to throw in the towel and its only noon.  Some days I feel so unprepared to be Zoya's mother. Some days I feel like I'm failing at this motherhood thing. Some days I feel like I have not the slightest idea how to help her, how to reach her, how to understand what's on her heart. Some days I really wonder why God thought I'd be the best mama for Zoya.  I realize that I hold myself to unrealistic standards thinking I have so much lost ground to cover and thinking how I never want her to remember the hurt she went through in her early years and how I never want her to feel abandoned again (because maybe I know a sliver of what that feels like).  The overwhelming feeling that I won't be enough for her, or be able to help her overcome all that she's been through, is suffocating on days like today.  Most of our days together have been amazing and triumphant. But I'd be lying if I said they were all that way. I don't know any mother that could say any different, it's just that not everyone wants to talk about the bad days. We have had our share of days where we don't understand each other, where we both cry (and scream), where we get frustrated with each other, and where we feel life would be easier to ignore the ghosts of the past, burry the pain down deep, and never look back.  It is a lot harder to dig up the ghosts, look them in the face and tell them they will not haunt us any longer.  That means each day that we remember all the wrong that was done to Zoya and all the ground we have to cover, we will use it to empower us and her, rather than let it suffocate us. Easier said than done. 

The fact is, it is WORK to get to the point in our relationship that Zoya and I have come to as mother and daughter. Thankfully, I felt a bond with her the instant I met her, which I know is not true for all adoptive mamas. Still I've had many days where I have to make a conscious effort to love her, hold her, stop everything else around me and just be with her. She needs that, still after 3 months, she demands a reminder that I will never ever leave her. She has days where she is so clingy and has a real fear in her eyes that I wonder what is going through her mind (other than the normal 2 year old stuff). She has days where she just cries. Yes I know every 2 year old has those days, and I'm not trying to create something more than that, but it IS something more than that. I know she still grieves for what was done to her....the difference is, she has no feelings of revenge or mistrust because of it, she just needs to work through what her 2 year old mind can understand about it. Sometimes I forget for a second or two all that Zoya went through. Thankfully she is young enough that she will likely never have memories of where she lived or what she went through, but she still missed out on love and bonding and no matter what I do, I can't get back those 22 months she spent alone with nobody to hold her, rock her, kiss her, and love on her.  I have guilt about that even though I am intelligent enough to understand that there is nothing that I could have done differently to change the situation.  The moments of fear I sometimes still see in her eyes is a reminder of all she's been through.

Days like today I need to stop and acknowledge that although I can never get those 22 months back, or change the beginning of her story, I sure can help her to write the rest of it! It is easy to feel helpless and guilty about that period of time in her life, but I need to change my attitude and focus on what we have been called to do with her, which is to help her heal and move on to become the child God intended her to become. Hopefully by keeping this in mind, I can be more forgiving of myself, allow myself to have bad days without beating myself up over it and without thinking I have failed.  God chose me to be Zoya's mother. He didn't choose anyone else. He chose me through the good days and the bad. He is equipping me to be the best mother she could have. I am a work in progress.