An Update on All Things Zoya

As I rushed home from work to eat dinner (Shawn cooked yay!) and then off to take Zoya to a doctor appointment, I got behind a car with a bumper sticker that said "I Love Yoga" and I thought if that bumper sticker were on my car it would say, "I'd love to have time for yoga" hehe oh well.  Oh and incase you were wondering, I took Zoya to her doctor appointment with my shirt on inside out and didn't realize it until I was giving her a bath tonight.   And the way that I found out I am an official member of the mother's club is when I was cleaning out my car and I found an old hardened stinky banana peel under the seat.  I soooo don't have it all together if there was anyone out there who thought I did!!  As you can see, things around here have been busy busy busy!  Zoya's had a little cold going on and since she likes to kiss me once every minute or so, I ended up with it too....but it is oh so worth it for all the kisses.

We've been busy with every day life but we still make time to have fun, snuggle, and learn new things....all the important things in life!  Zoya has recently learned to shake her head "no" appropriately and it cracks me up when she does it. At least now she is not pushing her cup away when she doesn't want any more...she is appropriately shaking her head no. Someone needs to tell her though that we can't "hear" sign language! I put her down for her nap the other day and I walked out and went and turned on the video monitor (which has been a life saver bc Zoya doesn't ever cry when she wakes up, and also it's just really fun to watch her!)...anyways, so I look at the monitor and I see her standing in the corner of her crib shaking her head NO! Silly girl. I don't think she wanted to take a nap!  She laid right down and went to sleep after that little silent protest though. Other times when she wakes up I can see her standing there signing "all done." It is too funny. Maybe she knows the camera is there (which could explain why we see her waving to us on the camera?) She is one smart cookie and I seriously wonder if she knows we can see her!  Her other new "I wanna use it all the time" sign is HELP! She couldn't figure out how to get her thumb up to do the ASL sign for help so we made up our own where she raises her hand and flaps it wildly. She had been getting VERY whiny and it was clear we needed to teach her a way to ask for help to cut down the whining and it has helped so much! Except now, she uses it about 800 times a day! Most of the time we can figure out what it is she needs help with or wants, but sometimes we have no idea and then she just whines. OR she will sign help and point to something she isn't allowed to have and then we tell her no so she whines because she thinks we didn't understand (when we really just said "no even though you asked nicely the answer is still no!") When she first started signing help we gave her whatever she was asking for or helped her with what she needed help with (within reason) because we wanted her to make that connection that the sign was getting her what she asked for....so now she is like what the heck, I asked for it, now give it to me! I know you'll never believe this but this girl is SASSY! ;)

Zoya has some issues with sensory things as I've written about before. Tactile wise she doesn't have too many issues that I've observed...she touches everything in her environment and never has any problems. While I was working one day, she had OT and the OT wanted her to play with rice and shaving cream and apparently she had a melt down. Since I wasn't here I can't say if it was sensory related or if something else was bugging her, although the OT thought it was sensory related. Soooo, I set out to do my own little experiment and she loved it. The only difference was that I let her sit on the floor (as opposed to her high chair) where she could get as close to or as far away from the shaving cream and rice as she wanted, and I put foil down to make some fun noise while she played in it. If you look close at some of the pictures you can see rice EVERYWHERE. In fact, we did this a week ago and I am still stepping on rice every other step no matter how many times I vacuum! Oh well she had fun! And she didn't try to eat it even once!!

I can't think of anything that makes me happier than this...my girl in soft snugly jammies with fun feet!

Happy to be watching baby signing times...her all time favorite!

Look at her mouth...when she is tired she does this cute sucking thing with her tongue behind her lips. 

Zoya loves this piggy bank that you can put coins in and take out. Her favorite hobby is putting anything into anything and then taking it all out and then putting it all in again! Over and over! It is so awesome to see Zoya initiate play and play with toys the right way! When we first came home she had no idea what to do with any of her toys. Now she seeks them out and plays with them the right way! Check out her open mouth in the pics. She always does this when she is focusing...so cute! The piggy has also motivated her to walk. I will hold it up and in order to play with it she has to stand up and walk over. Then she will stand for up to one minute not holding onto anything while she plays with the piggy. That's some good PT!

Like I said she loves the piggy :)

Zoya has been doing great with walking (when she wants to). Here you can see me in various places with a box of yummy crackers for a little motivation. I just sit there and she comes! Then I move and she follows. But she knows she only gets a cracker if she walks and not if she crawls. I'm not allowed to tell her to walk though or she gets cranky.  So I look off to the side pretending to ignore her and I say "these crackers are for girls that walk" and viola, she walks!  You'd never believe it but this girl is....yep you got it....SASSY! And I wouldn't want her any other way! Oh and you can see her skills in this picture as she is walking right over the obstacles Mya has set for her! (Oh and I was eating the crackers to motivate her...ya sure I was)

And Mya...well she'd do anything for a cracker!

And after seeing this shot...now I know what Shawn does with Zoya when he is home alone with her.  He has been working on some football plays...it's obvious! Hut, Hut, HIKE!

A Year Ago.......

I remember this day a year ago. It was Sunday, September 13, 2009.  Shawn and I had been discussing adoption for quite some time it had turned into one of those things where we were caught up in a twister that kept spinning us around. One minute we knew we were going to commit to adopt a child with down syndrome from Eastern Europe, then we knew we weren't and back to feeling 100 percent sure, then having doubts and that twister just kept spinning us around. We came up with every reason we should not adopt (finances, long travel, long term care, who would take care of the child if something happened to us, what if the child's needs were more than we could handle? etc. etc.). We had emailed Reece's Rainbow and got lots of information regarding adoption of a child with special needs from EE. We had done lots of research.  We had talked it to death.  We just kept going round in circles. So on this day a year ago we hadn't spoken to one another about adoption in over two weeks. My heart was 99% at peace with committing to adopt a child with special needs internationally (the 1% were my fears about the unknown). But I didn't bring it up to Shawn for a couple of weeks because I didn't want to feel like I was pressuring him. I just kept praying about it. I started convincing myself that maybe this just wasn't where our life was headed right now and I started to put this dream on the back burner.

On this day a year ago, after not having spoken about adoption for a while, on our way out of church, Shawn said to me, "So what do we need to do to go about getting our homestudy done?" I stood there speechless. I asked him what had made him so sure that this was the path we should take. I told him, "first we need to choose a child from the listed profiles so we know what country we are going to." He said, "How about Zoya whose big green eyes have been staring back at me from the computer screen for the past couple of weeks?" (Side note: Her eyes looked green in our referral picture....now we know they are blue AND I had posted different pictures of different kids from the Reece's Rainbow website on our computer background and would leave the picture there for a few days or a few weeks, and then choose a new picture...secretly I wished I could bring them all home). I was so excited that I said to Shawn, "I feel like you just asked me to marry you!"

We had driven separately that day because I had an appointment to get my hair done after church. So I got in my car and had the excitement of a kid on Christmas times ten! My thoughts of excitement soon changed to, "how in the world does he know we should adopt Zoya out of all those kids?" I never felt a pull toward just one....instead I felt a pull toward all of them! A few stood out in my mind (one of whom was Zoya), but I never had that magnetic force to Zoya's picture like Shawn did. (Glad God had that one taken care of by leading Shawn to her). Anyways, I started to question how Shawn knew and thought, well at least this is a start, he is committed to adopting...and we can always decide on the child together after some discussion. I was still thinking about a little girl in Armenia who I was feeling led to. (Let me mention that I had emailed that agency a couple months before this day and kept hitting dead ends as far as adopting her). So (as some of you who have been following our journey from the beginning know) as I walked into the salon with these doubts in my head, there was a nail polish line on display right when you walked in the door. There was a big sign with the nail polish line's name...which just happened to be......ZOYA!  Well that deal is done I said to myself!  Thank God for the signs along the way :)

That night when I got home I emailed Andrea inquiring about Zoya. I asked if she had any further medical information or any other pictures. She emailed me the full size (uncropped) photo of the head shot that was listed on RR. She looked so tiny...so frail and weak that they were holding her head up to have the picture taken. She said there was no other info than the one sentence under her profile, which stated a heart condition. Why I was asking for more information I'm not sure because at that point in our hearts, both of us knew she was our daughter.

In that moment, I never could have fast forwarded a year to today....but if I could have had a glimpse my heart probably couldn't have even comprehended the love I'd be seeing.

Broken

First, please pray for LYLA AND HER FAMILY as they recently received news that the daughter they are hoping to adopt is very sick and in the hospital in Eastern Europe. In fact, they don't even know if she will make it and will likely not hear anything until Monday at the earliest. My heart breaks for them and for Lyla. I can't imagine getting this type of news while we were waiting to go meet Zoya. To the Spitz family, Lyla      IS ALREADY their daughter, even though they've never met. Imagine your child being very very sick and you are thousands of miles away and not able to do a thing. I can't imagine their pain and sadness and fear, all while trying to trust that God can see the big picture even when we can't. Please pray for health for Lyla if it is not too late. Please pray for peace for the Spitz family between now and the time they get an update on Lyla's status.

We are living in such a broken world with sadness I wish I could fix. It is so UNFAIR that these millions of orphans are even orphans in the first place.  It is even more unfair that some of them live their entire short lives never knowing what it feels like to be loved...never knowing what it feels like to be rocked to sleep by their momma....never knowing what it feels like to be scooped up in their Daddy's strong arms and snuggled under his chin. It is enough on days like today to deflate my tires and keep me from moving forward at all. I saw what I saw and I can't forget it. What we experienced has forever changed our hearts. The smells remain in my nose and the sounds I will not soon forget. The faces of the children are forever burned into my mind. Time does not fade their faces, nor does it fade the smells or sounds.  Time has not blurred the images as I had selfishly wished it would. This is a broken world. You want to know how broken? Look HERE to see just how broken. All of these children were listed with Reece's Rainbow and have since passed away...without ever experiencing a family to call their own. Their lives were likely filled with pain and sickness and loneliness.

What can we do? We can pray. We can support others who have been called to adopt (emotionally and financially). We can give financially in the name of orphans. Reece's Rainbow is near and dear to my heart for many reasons. Of course because we would not have Zoya without RR, but also because of the amazing work they do to try to lessen the brokenness of this world by finding families for these children and allowing them to LIVE AND LOVE AND LAUGH with a family. What can you do right this minute? Well, recently Andrea Roberts (who is the founder of RR) was chosen to receive the "Heroes Among Us" Award through people magazine. She has been chosen as a finalist in the "Hero of the Year" and if she wins, RR will receive an award of $10,000. That money would surely help many orphans to find their forever families. So right this moment, would you go and VOTE for Andrea? It will take you 10 seconds and possibly help to save a child's life. So simple.  You can vote as many times as you'd like by just clicking the refresh button at the top and clicking on Andrea's picture again and again :) What do you have to lose?

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things...

HERE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS...

Making brownies with my sweet angel....

Her innocent...."it wasn't me" face

Her squinty eyed toothy grin with just a dash of giggle

The "I need some lovin" look with outstretched arms

Looking at Zoya's one and only baby picture together...

The way she looks at her Daddy like he is the love of her life

Watching her walk like a big girl clenching her new favorite giaraffe

How she laughs when she sees other kids laughing and happy (on the merry go round)

Her many goofy expression filled faces

Walking hand in hand with my big girl

Stripes paired with polka dots

The proud and fulfilled look on this Daddy's face

The way she looks at the world with fresh new curious eyes showing wonder and amazement

How Zoya and Daddy love dancing in the kitchen

Zoya's hugs (compare to none other)

And of course her Sassy personality

His Last Fall

This weekend I was driving on one of my favorite roads and noticing that some of the leaves were already starting to change to the slightest yellowish orange color. A reminder that summer is over and my favorite season is beginning. There is just something about fall that speaks to me. As I drove I thought about all the things I love about fall...spiced candles, warm apple crisp with vanilla ice cream, beautiful bright colors of red, green, orange, yellow, and brown, the crisp refreshing air after a long hot summer, jeans and sweatshirts paired with flip flops, apple cider, the smell of fall....and just with that thought, BAM....I was slapped upside the face with the thought of Sasha.  Sasha is a three year old boy with Down Syndrome living in Zoya's old orphanage. The thought of him derailed my happy train and I found myself trying to put the train back on the tracks with no luck.  The thought that came to me was that this could quite possibly be Sasha's last fall. You see, Sasha is three years old and will turn four on July 17th. Turning four years old in Sasha's country is no cause for celebration. In fact it is quite the opposite. Orphanages there are only allowed to keep children until they are four years old. In some rare instances children have been kept longer but it is not the norm and I definitely don't see that happening with Sasha. As sad as the orphanage conditions are, they are a safe haven compared to the institutions the children are sent to on or around their fourth birthday.  So this fall could very well be Sasha's last if someone doesn't step forward to adopt him.

When we were there adopting Zoya we fell in love with him. During that time he had a committed family so we took some pictures and videos to share with them. Recently, his hopeful family had to let him go due to a serious and unexpected illness. My heart aches for this family and my heart aches for Sasha. While we were there Sasha tried so hard to get our attention and would constantly stick his skinny little arm through the bars of his wooden crib and wave like you've never seen anyone wave before. I'm talking waving like he was in a parade or something. He was quite the mischievous little guy as we constantly heard the caregivers yelling, "SASHA!" He always tried to come to the doorway when he was in his walker, he wanted so badly to be picked up and loved on and I wish I could have done that. His platinum blond duck fuzz hair was adorable with his bright blue eyes that seemed to be hanging on for something more that what he had.  His eyes still haunt me. His eyes told a story that was not easy to hear.  A story about a boy who wanted so badly to have a momma and daddy.  Eyes that spoke of the loneliness, but still also spoke of the possibility for his story to have a happy ending.  He was much skinnier than the other kids in Zoya's groupa and very very pale. During our second visit he had a cast on one of his legs and feet but I'm not sure why.

As I drove I felt God prompting me to do a blog post about Sasha. I said out loud in the solidarity of my car, "what difference will it make?" I then spoke some words in my heart that I am ashamed to admit. I said, nobody cares, people want to care but do they really care enough to drop everything and make a promise to save this child no matter the cost? (or one of the other 147 million orphans).  I thought, if I do a post, people will read it and stop for a moment to think of him and maybe pray for him, but most will just move on with their day not giving him much more thought than the few minutes it took to read the blog (I'm guilty of this myself when others post about other children needing homes....let's face it sometimes it's easier to just forget that child's face because then it doesn't hurt us...we don't let it penetrate our hearts trying to protect ourselves).  If only someone else could see Sasha how we saw him and see him for the gift that he is waiting to be to some family somewhere in this world.  Nobody else CAN see him though.  Not many other people know he even exists (besides his previous hopeful adoptive family who I know are praying that he find his forever family soon). I thought seriously God, if I post about Sasha you really think that will make a difference? When it comes to the orphan crisis, a suffocating feeling of defeat helplessness sneaks up on me when I least expect it. But then I got an email from another RR adoptive momma pointing me to THIS AMAZING BLOG and I think this email and this blog were God's kind way of slapping me upside the head and saying, "Stop your pity party and realize you ARE making a difference....you are being a voice for the voiceless and encouraging others to embark on their own adoption journey...just by writing and sharing you ARE witnessing to others as I've asked you to."  The Archer family has joined the orphan army and committed to adopt a little girl with DS from Eastern Europe. Another one saved! What does this have to do with me? I didn't think much until I read the blog. You will have to read for yourself to see (read 'The Red Thread Part 2' specifically). In just a few emails I had an impact on another family who ultimately decided to save a child's life. Am I trying to toot my own horn? Absolutely not, I'm trying to convince and remind myself of what God is trying to show me...that even if I'm only a pebble in a pond, I can still make a ripple. Even if I'm only one domino, I can be the domino that causes another one to fall, and so on and so forth.

I know God has a plan for Sasha, but we are human and we aren't always open to hearing God's plan. I know his previous committed family feels God has a plan for him as well....and as difficult as it is for them, I know that they hope and believe God will reveal Sasha to his forever family.  Recently I learned that there are a lot more people reading this blog than I had thought. Am I speaking to Sasha's momma? His daddy? Please hear my plea on behalf of this sweet boy's life. Please, even if you are not Sasha's family, join me in the fight to find his forever family. Pray for him, donate to his grant fun (which is already at $4,000!! woah), pass along his profile to anyone you know that is interested in adoption. Be his voice with me. I have some videos and photos of Sasha if you are interested please email me privately (spbasile at hotmail dot com).

Is Sasha your son?

(photo taken recently in May)

Zoya's Adoption Montage

So it only took me a little over four months to put this together. What can I say, I've been a little busy! Enjoy!

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Zoya's Middle Name is Sassy!

One of Zoya's favorite joys is MUSIC!  You can see Ms. Attitude when I pause the music on the TV...she cracks me up! She is signing "dancing" and then "more music." The second time I pause the music I'm pretty sure she's telling me off! Wish I knew what she was saying...then again, I can probably figure it out ;)

Zoya's Best Friend Mya and Happy Girl Photos

Zoya's best friend is definitely Mya...unfortunately Mya just does not know that yet! Mya was and is our first baby but she just doesn't understand why we take Zoya everywhere when we leave and leave her here.  Mya refuses to kiss Zoya...ever....like since we've been home she has never kissed her....this is how I know she is jealous. That doesn't keep Zoya from trying.  Most of the time now Zoya is nice to Mya and kisses her on her back and pets her nicely (as opposed to trying to rip her hair out when we first returned home). Zoya used to HATE the vacuum and would freak out when it turned on. Thanks to therapeutic listening along with Mya's dislike and running from the vacuum, vacuuming is now one of Zoya's favorite activities!! Mya runs from the vacuum and then follows it, then runs and then follows it...Zoya thinks this is hilarious and cracks up and chases Mya. Needless to say, it is near impossible to actually vacuum the entire carpet without getting one or both of them (Zoya and Mya) caught in the vacuum cord or sitting directly in the path of the vacuum! When I turn the vacuum off, Zoya signs "more." Zoya has recently taken an interest in playing with Mya by getting one of Mya's toys out of her box and throwing it for her or teasing her with it so she bites one end and plays tug of war. She thinks this is just so cool! See?

Zoya is always trying to incorporate Mya into her activities. Even if she doesn't, Mya follows her around anyways (probably making sure she is staying out of trouble!) In case you couldn't tell, Mya is positive she is human! And I think, in another life, she really was!

Want a shovel Mya? 

Zoya thinks it's pretty hilarious to splash Mya and watch her shake!

Wonder what Zoya was thinking here...

Petting Mya nicely...

Lately Zoya has been SUPER happy, like beaming! (well OK, other than those seldom frequent trips to time out lately). She found her laugh and uses it randomly while throwing her hand over her mouth cracking herself up! Her eyes have looked happier to me lately than ever before. She's always been pretty happy, but lately her eyes tell a story that says she couldn't be happier or more loved. See what I mean?

After a long day's work...how could this not just melt all the stresses away?

laughing so hard because Daddy is giving her millions of kisses!

This picture looks like she is crying, but she is just laughing REALLY hard!

She loves her Daddy

Even with two knees that need surgery Shawn still runs around to make his girl happy!

Here Zoya says, "I know there must be food on that table...I will get up there myself if you don't help me."

We've been working on signing "help" for so long. Zoya could just not make her hands into the "help" shape, so I taught her to raise her hand and flap it around when she needs help. She is now using it appropriately and without prompting. She wanted to get up into her booster seat to get closer to the table here....she is signing "help"

And just a couple pics that I love....

Here she is making car sounds with her lips because she was playing with cars in her water table

My FAVORITE....

Whining

6:30am Wake up, shower, get ready for work
7:30am Get Zoya ready (thank goodness Shawn was here to do most of that!)
7:40am Load dishwasher, clean kitchen
7:45am Kiss my hubby and my girl goodbye for the day :(
7:50am Leave for work
8:00am run around like a crazy lady trying to organize my lessons for the day, team meeting
9:00am until 3:30pm tell students a million times to STOP TALKING and do their work (get headache somewhere in here), listen to one of my students say he cannot sit on the carpet like everyone else because his belly button hurts
3:40pm see my sweet angel when the sitter brings her to my classroom
3:40pm try to pack up all my school junk to bring home to work on later but forget half of it at school because Zoya is getting into everything in my classroom
4:00pm clean up the manipulative bins that Zoya decided to dump all over my classroom floor
4:15pm leave with Zoya for Zoya's doctor appointment
4:30pm Zoya's doctor appointment
4:45pm yell at the stupid student loan people (for the fourth time after already talking to them for TWO HOURS the other day) who have royally screwed up my account and probably my good credit score. Headache gets worse here and voice gets louder!
5:00pm arrive home and change Zoya's diaper JUST IN TIME
5:15pm put Zoya in time out for touching something I had just told her not to (as she looks me in the eye and touches the item with a smirk)
5:15-5:23pm listen to Zoya throw the biggest temper tantrum I've ever heard because she hates time out (too bad)
5:30pm order pizza for dinner and tell Shawn, "I'll try to get better at this working mom thing I promise"
5:35pm feed Zoya dinner and do her therapeutic listening
6:00pm start eating dinner and put Zoya in time out for chucking her straw cup across the table.
6:00pm-6:04pm listen to Zoya throw an even bigger temper tantrum in time out. She has some lungs!
6:30pm: Watch Baby Signing Times for the millionth time (snuggle with my girl...bonus)
7:00pm: Give Zoya a bath, put her on the potty, wave goodbye to her pee, brush her teeth, give her a massage, put jammies on, run all the way back downstairs and outside holding Zoya to go to the car to get her blankie, run all the way back upstairs, hug her tight, put her in bed and rub her belly and whisper I love Yous.
7:45pm: work on lesson plans for school
8:15pm: whine about my stressful day on my blog
8:30pm: eat chocolate chip cookies because why not? I already ate pizza for dinner
9:00pm: if I make it til then? crash on the couch and have Shawn drag me upstairs with one eye open.

Is it really only Wednesday? I love teaching and I love being a wife and I love being a momma but WWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH I didn't do a great job at any of it today :(