Fun Family Day!

Shawn had the day off today and we had the best day ever!! Mila is able to start doing a little bit more outside of the house which helps my cabin fever! We started the morning with therapy...sounds like a hassle but not when you have the best occupational therapist ever :) We promised Zoya a trip to the mall and her favorite restaurant. She's been asking since the last trip. She kept signing "potatoes" and saying "ham," which means Ruby Tuesd*ys. She's been having a hard time with the fact that we haven't gone out as much as we used to since Mila has been home. Shawn or I will try to take Zoya on special outings but she always asks for the other half of the family and signs "together." She's happiest when we're all together AND out and about. So today she was soooo stinkin' excited...and so was I! She was giggly and silly during lunch. At one point she randomly hugged me hard and said "thank you." Oh sweet girl, you're welcome!

She and Mila were both so very well behaved on our trip to the mall! It was made so much easier with the double stroller Grandpa and Grandma Gigi gave us for our late Christmas celebration (in February). They love it and so do we!!

Mila is checkin' out the left hand again...she cracks me up!

Then we came home for some naps for the girls while I packed up our things for swimming (and Shawn took poor neglected Mya for a walk LOL)!! I signed the girls up for back to back parent/child swim classes. When Shawn has off he can come which is so great! He is going to take a turn in the pool with the girls next week...but this week it was my turn :) The clases are laid back and just fun! Mila had a turn first and Zoya waited patiently on the bench with Daddy. Mila really seemed to love the pool! I got a few random smiles from time to time...but my favorite moments with her were the moments she'd rest her head back on my shoulder and look up into my eyes as if she were checking to make sure everything was safe and trusting me so deeply. It made my heart swell! Zoya loved the pool and wasn't hesitant at all this time to get in (our lessons over the summer weren't mommy&me and Zoya had some anxiety). We are so blessed to have these two love bears!

Thanks for my pretty pink swimsuit cousin Mattea!

LOVING THE CHUB!!!!

"You better not put this picture on your blog mama!!"

Practicing her swimming on dry land first

This is her "thug" face! Dont mess with her ;)

Absolutely gorgeous soulful eyes! (And look at sister pushing up on her arms!! woot!)

And of course the stunning big sister Zoya. Her smile is something else!

Silly Silly Girl!

Oh my heart melted when Mila kept laying her head back on me every now and again looking for reassurance and I really felt her sense of trust...made my heart bubbly!

Zoya and Mama...makes my heart happy!

Love the tounge out concentrating look here!

She's a nut!

Oh my heart....

Oh this look of hers just melts my heart....reserved only for mama!!

Beautiful Beautiful Girl!!

Mila is Turning ONE!

Can you even believe it??? This little bean is turning ONE on March 11th!!!! What a milestone this is for our sweet girl! She's been through way more than any almost-one-year-old should have to, but by the grace of God she has survived this first year...and she has not only survived, but thrived over the past several months! Little chub-a-love is up to 17 POUNDS!! The dietitian at one of her appointments felt the need to bring up to me the fact that many people with DS struggle with obesity and to watch portion size with her....HAHA! Obviously she hadn't heard her story nor did she have any idea that just 4 months ago this little jelly bean was the size of a newborn at the age of 7 months! I told her once she was good and fat then I'd worry about it :) Come on, she's STILL just about at the 3rd percentile...But it made my heart happy to hear that dietitian think my baby is fat ;) Whose gonna tell her she can only eat half a piece of her birthday cake? Kidding of course :)

And just incase that first picture didn't do her cheekies justice....

So I asked Mila what she wanted most for her birthday and here is what she told me:

"Mama I want all my friends to be able to bless their forever parents just like I've blessed you. I want them to find their forever families where they'll be snuggled and loved and cherished beyond belief. That is all I wish for Mama." Me too baby girl, me too!

So, in honor of Mila's first year of life....her struggles and triumphs, and in honor of the true miracle she is, please consider making a small donation on her behalf to one of her friends!

Meet Elizabeth (Kylen):

Elizabeth's family is waiting on their travel date. This little peanut is so near and dear to my heart. Please, if you feel led, make a donation and bless the Rector family who will be traveling so soon! Elizabeth is the same age that Mila was when we met her and reminds me of Mila in so many ways!

Click here to wish Mila a happy birthday by donating to Elizabeth's fund!

 

Another friend of Mila's who still does not have a family is sweet Dorothy. When we lost Laina, Dorothy was one of our 3 choices to commit to. The only reason we didn't was because Mila was in greater need health-wise than Dorothy and the Lord called us to Mila. However, Dorothy still needs medical care and above all else, still needs a forever family to fatten her up and love her forever. The picture is terrible, but try to see past it. Is this your baby waiting for you? Dorothy is even younger than Mila and will be turning ONE in May!

Please click here to wish Mila a happy birthday by making a donation to sweet Dorothy.

Thank you!

Zoya's Turn....

She was so jealous Mila was having all sorts of surgeries that she decided it was her turn. Her ear tubes lasted 14 months (longer than average), but recently fell out (they're still hanging out in her ear canals). She's got tons of wax too. The testing they did inconclusive and the doctor was unsure about fluid or her hearing. The test results were contradicting themselves. So she'll be having surgery on March 14th to clear out all the wax (maybe she'll listen better? haha), have a myringotomy, and possibly have another set of tubes put in (he'll decide once he does the myringotomy).

She did fabulously well and a year ago for this same appointment  she would have did freak out and wouldn't even let anyone touch her ears! AND she practiced sitting in the chair, which she would have NEVER done...chairs alone were enough to really give her anxiety....something we've worked on endlessly and are finally seeing normal reactions to chairs and not fear reactions! I tried to have her sit in the chair with me standing next to her while the doctor examined her, but she felt safer sitting on my lap, so we'll try again next time.  It was also during nap time since it went on so long so that never helps! But I was soooo proud of her and how well she did!!!! The only part that didn't go so hot was that damn hearing booth! That thing freaks her out every time! She is terrified of clapping monkeys and any other clapping animals now because of that booth. So when the audiologist asked if we would step into the booth (I had no idea we were doing that today), I said, "Umm is there a clapping monkey in there? because she's terrified." So she said she would turn it off. Zoya did well for maybe 3 minutes but then the tears came...I mean it IS scary...you hear some weird voice coming out of different places in the room whispering your name....and different boxes lighting up like a jack in the box! ugh! Not nice!

Zoya doesn't do well with anesthesia (coming out) so please pray for her even though it's a minor procedure. Although it seems so much more doable and less stressful than open heart surgery, she's still my baby and I will get nervous :( We are blessed to have great health insurance and medical care!

A Post From Mila!

Look what I can do! I've been working so hard in PT. Mama has stretches to do with me to help my tilted head! I want to crawl SO bad that sometimes mommy has to take me off my belly because I start getting REALLY MAD when I can't get my body to do what my brain is telling it to do!!

I love my big sister so much, whenever she is around I can't stop staring at her. I think her bow is cool and she likes to hold my hands!

Sometimes I fall asleep in my swing holding onto my rings. My mama can't figure out this nap thing because I'm making it tricky for her! Mama says my big sister came home mostly already knowing how to take naps and sleep through the night! BUT last night I slept for 11 hours straight. Thank goodness Daddy gets up with me at 5:45am! Mama says we need to work on my wake up time!

But she has a really hard time getting upset when I'm THIS cute!

Well I have to go pick my big sister up from school while my mom sits on the couch and eats bon bons. Thanks for checking in on me!

Ukraine

Ukraine doesn't just cross my thoughts a few times a day. I miss it so much some days I feel consumed by it. I long to return. These feelings surprise me, greatly. Especially because after Zoya's adoption I had no real desire to return to that country for a LONNNNNG time!

I don't know why I miss it so much. I don't know why a certain phone ringtone or song or smell can transport me right back to the 10 total weeks we spent in Ukraine and have me wishing I was there. There are little things I miss about Ukraine, like the slower pace of life, the living with so much less, the friends we made there, the experiences we had, the people.  I loved that so many distractions were removed during our time in Ukraine....it was so much easier to hear the Lord's voice, and it was vital that we clung to Him. We had no other choice than to hand it all over. We needed Him like no other time...we were in constant communication. I felt His presence in almost every moment during our times in Ukraine. I long to feel that again. I can't get back to that no matter how hard I try. 

I know part of me misses it so much because my children's roots are there and their roots are entwined with mine so deeply that there is simply no way to separate the two.  Part of me misses it because I left a big part of my heart there with the little boys and girls still waiting for their mama and daddy. Part of me misses it because it is there that I started waking up from my nearly comatose life....there where I started to learn how many needs exist in this world and how little I had done to help anyone outside of my own backyard. It was there that I was forced to come to terms with the sadness and unfairness that exists in this world. It was in Ukraine that my perspective on life began to radically change.

But it feels like I miss Ukraine for more than all those reasons. Maybe I miss it so much because I feel that I have unfinished business there. I don't know what it is. I feel my heart being called to Ukraine, and it's a different kind of feeling than when we were called to adopt. I've been feeling so much unrest, trying to hear God's voice, and exactly what it might mean. I do know I miss it in a way I never imagined. Ukraine has a place in my heart like no other. I can't wait to share it's beauty with my girls one day.

Zoya Faith....

Sometimes when I look at you I can't even fathom that the rest of the world can't see you the same exact way I do. You are a light in this world. You fill my heart with sunshine. One look at your beautiful face and all is right in this world...even if just for that moment.

3 Months Home for Mila!

It is almost impossible to believe Mila has only been home 3 months! I mean it feels like she has been here soooo much longer than that!!! She has been through so much in that short time and is a completely different baby! 3 months ago today I trekked across the globe carrying  my precious 9.5 pounds of cargo who was in desperate need of medical attention. I held my breath nearly the entire trip, scared to death, just hoping she'd make it with no big medical scares. When I think back to that day, I realize I had no idea what we were in for. Had I been able to get a glimpse into what we'd go through over the next 3 months with our beautiful daughter, I'd have been scared out of my mind. God only shows us little pieces of the puzzle because sometimes that's all we can handle at that moment in time....and that has been true from the very beginning of Mila's adoption journey. This journey took us on an unknown road with too many forks to count, but each time we were led through, what seemed at the time, such a broken road. What I know now is that the road wasn't broken, we were.

Mila's stats:

4 Months ago: 7.5 pounds, 21 inches

Today: 16.5 pounds, 26.5 inches

Those stats are only an outward indication of all the inward changes happening.  We met Mila 4 months ago to the day. I can still picture it in slow motion in my mind. As the Assistant Director brought her to us with her arms outstretched like an airplane, I couldn't get over how tiny and pale she was.

She was not what I expected to see in so many ways. I don't really know what I expected to see, but it certainly wasn't her. I remember being so taken aback by how small and frail she was, yet curiously intrigued at how intensely her eyes were starting into my soul. Her deep, knowing eyes certainly did not match her body. Her entire body seemed to be in a stupor....her tiny size and awkward movements seemed to scream "distant" and "delayed," but her eyes contradicted everything else about her. Those eyes, once locked into mine, told a story the rest of her body was incapable of telling.  I vividly remember her eyes just staring into the depths of my soul as if to say "I will be okay if you just help me...I am here inside of this body....I need you and...you dont' know it yet, but you need me."

These past three months have been so hard, yet so amazingly rewarding. Since the day I met Mila that connection between her eyes and my soul has gotten us through many difficult days. Although it did seem like love at first sight and every ounce of me loved that girl the moment I laid eyes on her and held her, I found that I was distancing myself from Mila at times after I realized her serious physical condition. After that first lightening strike of love, I got so scared.  In my heart I wanted so badly to let go and just love with 100% of my heart, but I was terrified of losing her. I was so focused on researching and seeking out the medical care that she needed....that became my outlet for my fear as well as a distraction from reality and a distraction from focusing on just loving her....Doing those things gave me some artificial sense of being in control, when in reality I knew that I had no control over a damn thing.

Over the past three months Mila has endured three pretty major surgeries, along with her entire world being flipped upside down. She has persevered with strength that could have only come from God. She is a different child today than she was when we entered the United States 3 months ago, and even more different today than the day we met her 4 months ago. 

Mila is continuing to come out of the "orphanage stupor." Those eyes still stare deep into my soul and it is then that I feel the greatest connection to her. It is that same look I got 3 months ago to the day...that look that says, "stick with me here, I'm getting ready to blossom....I love you and you love me." It is then that I see she's getting ready to break out of her cocoon and spread her wings. In the 7 months of her life prior to meeting us, I can't even begin to fathom what Mila went through each day, alone and so sick...bundled up in that cocoon with no light coming in or shining out...wondering if she'd ever get the chance to spread her wings and fly....Well baby girl it's time and we can't wait to see your beautiful colors when those wings open!

Happy 3 months home Mila bean!

I love you in a way I never knew existed!

My Valentine Loves....

For a 2nd year in a row we spent Valentine's Day visiting doctors....but we did make the best of it by getting dressed up cute and listening to Zoya say "wuh wu too" (love you too) a million extra times yesterday! On the way we told Zoya Mila had to go to the doctor (and that Zoya would get to see the trains which are at Children's Hospital Pittsburgh where our appointment was). Zoya said "heart." She remembered Mila was there to have her heart fixed....my sweet girl! Mila checked out good at the airway clinic and continues to swallow safely without aspirating, however, we did learn that the laryngeal cleft repair was only temporary and she *might* need a more invasive surgery...sigh.....but I'm not going there in my mind. Just praying she doesn't need it :) BUT if there is a surgery to make her sleep....I'm signing up for that one ;)

A Heart as Big as the Ocean

Tonight I got to go on a little date with Zoya. Just her and I. It had been too long since the two of us did something special! We went to her favorite place...the mall...and ate at her favorite restaurant....she had two helpings of mashed potatoes and some grilled chicken. We sat in a booth, just her and I and she knew she was something special. I strive to make her feel like that every day, but sometimes life gets the best of us and we forget to celebrate one another. Today though, she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt how amazing she is and how much her mama loves every fiber of her being! I just sat there looking at how grown up she seems to me lately. How she can carry on a conversation with me that nobody else would understand. Loving her spirit and how she has to wave to every single person who walks by our table, and how she has to stop at every store that plays music and dance a little Zoya-jig. I marveled at how this tiny person became so interwoven with my soul. I memorized her soft smile lines and the glimmer in her eyes. I noticed her desire for independence is not outdone by still needing her mama as her security blanket. I thought about how life might be so very different for her if she were still living in an orphanage in Ukraine....but more than that I thought about how her life is so different now and how grateful I am for that. I noticed the old soul that seemingly knows more than you'd think possible for a child her age.

I was so full of emotion as I saw Zoya displaying empathy for the dogs in the pet shop. As we stopped at the window two of the dogs were playing very roughly. Zoya's eyes got so big and teary and she said "Mama ouch, no, no dog." I told her they were just playing and she sat there with those big tears in her eyes so upset and so worried that those dogs were upset or fighting.  She hates when anyone is upset...even when you think you're not showing it on the outside...she knows!  Her face grew more and more worried but she wouldn't look away or move from her seat on the floor in front of their window. Finally I picked her up and walked inside the store hoping to avoid the tears. She stopped at every single window and said hi to every single dog. She stopped and held her hand up to some of them, and said "me do" (meaning she wanted to take the dog out). I told her just to say hi and she signed "sad" at one of the dogs that really did seem to be depressed.  How could she pick up on that at such a young age? It's part of her being...she was born with empathy. We left. Before we could even get out of the mall, Zoya recounted the story of the dogs "playing" no less than 5 times. She kept asking, "Ow. Ow. Dog. Play????? (in a questioning tone)." And I'd say, "Yes baby, they were just playing. They are okay." The entire ride home, the same words over and over and if I didn't reassure her they were just playing she got upset. She got out of the car and ran to her Daddy and told him the story; I explained. She talked about it until bedtime. I hope she doesn't have nightmares!

My little girl's empathy runs deep.  She has a heart as big as the ocean. It's hard to see where it starts or stops and its impossible not to be swept into her beautiful waves and taken under. 

My Sassy Talking Girl

Oh Zoya girl....she just makes me laugh. She is so very sassy. I love that her speech is really starting to take off (I remember wondering if I'd ever be able to say that). She surprises us with what she says and how she is really starting to put sentences together. It's so nice being home with her because I can work on speech all day long in normal exchanges throughout the day and it doesn't seem like work to her. She actually LOVES trying to say words correctly when I give her a little help. She gets so excited when the word comes out clear. She tries so so hard to communicate...it's one of my many favorite things about her. Sometimes she sounds like she's speaking Russian, but other times her speech is much clearer! Either way she just keeps trying over and over to get her point across through words and signs. Signs have been so great for us in so many ways.....obviously for her expressive communication, but they've also been great for me to help zoya order her sentences in the correct word order. Kids with apraxia have a hard time putting the words in the right order, especially as sentences get longer. So instead of saying each word and having Zoya repeat one word at a time and having a somewhat broken word by word sentence, I can sign each word to remind Zoya what word to speak. That way her sentence is more fluent and she gets practice saying all the words together not just repeating me word by word. It has helped so much!

We've been focusing a lot on going from 1-2 word utterances to 3-5 word sentences. For example, when Zoya has to go potty, she says "potty." So today we've been working on saying "I go potty," or "I want go potty." Yes I know we're missing a word, but we'll get there....once she gets good with "I want go potty," we'll add in the "to." Another example is that we always make her request to get down from the dinner table after eating. She used to just sign "down," then she would say "down," now she is able to say "I want down please." It's a progressive process and we just add a little bit at a time.

The other thing we've been working on a lot is pronouns. "You" and "Me" is such a hard concept for her, but we're getting there. We do turn taking games to work on this a lot. I've been intentional about saying YOU and pointing and having her do it back to me. We've also been working on "his" and "her" as well. I find pronouns so difficult to teach to her! You can see in the video me asking her "what is her name?" I, of course, pair all the new concepts like this with gestures and pointing.

The other thing in the speech world we're working on is increasing vocabulary and processing spoken language to follow directions better. Zoya understands a lot of what is spoken to her and can follow 1 and 2 step directions fairly well. But every now and then I'm reminded that she still has difficulty processing language. Tonight after Mila's bath Zoya was being my helper. I asked her, "Zoya go get me the comb for Mila out of the bathroom." Zoya happily ran into the bathroom and brought me back a towel! I asked her again. I said, "a comb for her hair." And she brought me back a hair bow! My sweet girl, I just giggled at her sweetness and how she tried so hard! It surprised me because if I said pick the comb and gave her 5 choices, she knows what it is. She obviously knows what a comb is but maybe she couldn't find it or maybe she only heard part of what I said or maybe it's just that missing link between the verbal directive and processing all the language I threw at her. She is so super fabulous and I seriously can't believe how we got so lucky to call her our daughter! So proud of my chicky!

Tonight we were playing the keyboard toy with Mila (who only makes a quick appearance in this video haha). I was playing a back and forth game with Zoya and I would take the keyboard and say "no no no I do!" and change the song. I wanted her to do the same and usually I have to teach her each word and then work on linking them together. Well she surprised me tonight when she shook her finger at me with her sassy attitude and even had an appropriate (although sassy) tone with her words. My little stinker...