Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Trip to Pittsburgh and a Ton of Pictures!

We have been so very busy trying to get everything in place for Zoya's medical care and early intervention needs.  Yesterday we took a trip to Pittsburgh to visit the International Adoption Clinic and the Down Syndrome Clinic.  We are really happy we made the trip and had about 5 hours worth of appointments.  Zoya was a rockstar almost all day and she made some new friends! She was happy and content.  This girl LOVES people!

Our visit to the international adoption clinic started at 11. We got there about 10:15 and filled out some paperwork and were taken right back.  One of the girls that works in the office is from Bulgaria and speaks Russian.  She came in and started speaking Russian to Zoya.  Zoya stared at her with huge eyes and then turned away from her and hugged me so tight I thought my head was going to pop off.  Poor girl, I think she thought the lady was going to take her back or something!! I wonder what memories, if any, hearing Russian triggers...or maybe it just triggers bad feelings and not so much memories.  I wish I could know what goes on in that little head of Zoya's!  We met with a developmental specialist and two residents for about an hour.  She asked tons of questions and we told her some concerns we had.  She gave us some good advice and we learned a few things.  She said Zoya is showing good toddler behavior. One example is that she was sitting on the exam table next to me and she'd scoot up to the specialist and visit for a few seconds and then come right back to me.  This was showing that she knows I am her Moma and her comfort and she feels safe with me!  Usually when we let someone else hold her, after a few minutes she always reaches back for Shawn or I, which is great.  The specialist told us we should not let anyone else hold her and that Zoya has a very friendly personality and kids who just "go to anyone" have a harder time bonding.  Well Zoya doesn't just go to anyone, but most people if they hold their arms out, she will go to them.  We researched a lot about bonding before we adopted Zoya and read that we should be careful with newly adopted children and allowing others to hold them.  Since home, we have mostly been at home when meeting new people.  We are letting other people hold Zoya, as we feel she is already forming a good attachment with us and always puts her hands out to come back.  We decided that we'd look at Zoya--her needs and strengths--and keep the research in mind, but use our instincts to make decisions based about Zoya.  We also know that kids with Down Syndrome in general are very friendly and many times parents have to teach them to give a high five instead of a hug because as they get older it is not appropriate....but for now she's just too darn cute!  We asked "how much is too much?" for the holding.  We are worried that we could spoil her and create a child who can't separate from her parents when that time comes (school) if we are constantly holding her.  The specialist assured us that we cannot hold her too much and reminded us that Zoya was neglected and missed out on being held far longer than any child should ever have to be.  It was pretty strange to sit there knowing the specialist was watching our every move.  It gave me more of an idea of what my parents feel like during an IEP meeting!

Next we met with the doctor.  She knew a lot about adopted children and some issues they face.  She noticed Zoya's soft spot is still open and said that is common in kids adopted from orphanages.  Their development is slowed and so this is not a surprise.  She also said the flat spot on the back of her head is common and indicates that she spent a LOT of time laying in a crib, as we thought.  We had faxed some Russian physican reports from Ukraine to her to have translated.  We were originally told that Zoya had Atrial Septal Defect (which is a hole between the top 2 chambers of the heart).  We were a little confused about this because from what they said, Zoya's heart condition was very serious and she would have died without surgery in Ukraine.  ASD is usually not so serious, but we thought maybe the hole was just larger than a normal ASD.  Yesterday we learned that she actually had surgery for VSD.  This is Ventricular Septal Defect, which is more serious and is a hole between the bottom two chambers of the heart.  According to her records, Zoya was only able to lay in her crib prior to her surgery (in October). She wasn't eating or gaining weight.  The surgery did wonders for her and at 20 months old (3 months ago) she was finally able to hold herself up sitting and has been reaching milestones at record speed ever since.  We are so thankful that Zoya was able to have the life saving surgery in Ukraine! The doctor ordered a whole bunch of blood work to test for common things in adopted children.  This doctor is very good and very thorough!  We mentioned to her that we noticed a little rash on Zoya's belly for a few days and that day we had noticed it on her legs.  The doctor seemed very concerned and asked some questions about it. She said it looked like petechiae (tiny spots of blood due to broken blood vessels).  She seemed very concerned and said that when we got to Children's Hospital for the Down Syndrome appointment, they could add whatever blood tests they wanted, but that she definitely wanted them to do a complete blood count and platelet count the same day, as the petechiae can be an indicator of blood disorders, and leukemia, or things as simple as a virus.  They put a rush on her bloodwork which made me even more concerned.  The doctor didn't want to say much, even though I kept asking questions about what it could mean.  I knew from my DS research that it can indicate leukemia. 

I was very worried and the questioning about the "rash" continued when we got to the Down Syndrome Clinic appointment.  To spare you any worries, they called at 7:30 am this morning and let us know that her CBC and platelet counts were normal.  I cannot tell you how relieved I felt!  I ran to Zoya and gave her a million kisses.  The entire ride home from Pittsburgh, I sat in the back seat watching Zoya sleep just worried sick.  I felt like we've been waiting for the other shoe to drop and was this going to be it? Was our baby going to be really sick? I teared up and had to choke back the tears every time I thought about it.  I kept telling myself not to overreact....but one thing I'm finding is that I still feel, especially after this long grueling process we've been through, that something is going to happen that will take my baby away.  I'm sure I just feel like this because for so long we faced the possibility of this happening.....we had to fight every day of the adoption process for her to be ours.  It is still hard to believe she is ours.  I still worry and feel that I need to hold her so tight and spend every moment giving her my best and soaking up all her goodness.  It makes each day mean so much more, but I hope one day that feeling of her being taken away from us will be gone.  They will see if the other scheduled bloodwork shows anything, but are thinking it is most likely a virus causing the petechiae.  I also read that malnutrition can cause petechiae.  Zoya was obviously fed enough, but was not given the proper vitamins and nutrition a child's body would require while she was in the orphanage.  We have a long ways to go with getting her healthy diet-wise.

Anyway, back to the appointment at the Down Syndrome Clinic at Children's Hospital. This team of people is amazing! They are so knowledgable about Down Syndrome and all of the health risks associated with it.  They loved Zoya and she was putting on quite the show for them! I was impressed as she had missed her nap, but was still a happy camper.  They thought our next goal should be to make an appointment with a pediatric opthamologist.  Zoya's right eye tends to cross inward at times and this is a concern.  At the end of that appointment, Zoya had to have her blood drawn.  The doctors at the DS clinic added (to the list from the International Adoption Clinic) some tests to check for things that are common in kids with DS (celiac's disease, thyroid function tests, chromosome study).  They ordered A LOT of bloodwork.  About 10 vials worth...from our tiny baby!   I knew I wasn't going to be able to handle being in the room when Zoya got her blood drawn so I left and Shawn stayed in the room.  I could hear her screaming so sadly and loudly all the way down the hall.  It seemed to take forever....at least 15 minutes...and during this time, over the screams, I heard Shawn trying his best to sing "The Wheels on the Bus." I finally heard them say "all done" and was so relieved.  The guy drawing the blood was very good but felt bad that Zoya had to have so much blood taken.  He was upset and Zoya was pretty traumatized so Shawn asked the guy to stop.  He was probably going to anyway since there was no more blood coming out and he had to keep moving the needle around. Shawn came out and told me they were only able to get 4 vials and that she had a really hard time.  My poor baby.  She was soaked from head to toe with sweat from fighting them so hard.  We will have to get the rest done in Erie on Monday when her arms are healed up a little (not looking forward to that).  Here is what she looked like about 10 minutes after the ordeal:
Believe it or not about 5 minutes after this picture was taken she was smiling, but also exhausted.  Her arms are pretty bad today with broken blood vessels all up and down them and some bruises. 


Here is Zoya and Daddy at our first appointment.


Here she is trying to eat the paper!


Happy girl (way before the bloodwork obviously).


So today I made a whole bunch of phone calls.  First the eye doctor.  They were scheduling in September! Ahh...she put me on a cancellation list and later I got a call with an appointment scheduled for tomorrow! Great! We also made an appointment with the pediatric dentist, and a follow up appointment with her pediatrician.  Next week is her cardiology appointment so we will know more about her heart.  They are doing an echo, but I'm not so sure Zoya will cooperate (she has to lay still for 30 minutes...HAHAHA!). She has her early intervention evaluation coming up as well!  I am also taking her to a doctor who does whole food supplements and nutrition.  She is amazing and really helped me through an illness that nobody else could help with! She has Zoya on a few supplements to help her digestion.  She determined that was her biggest area of concern, along with her immune system. That is to be expected after her IV drip of mashed potatoes in the orphanage (hehe). 

I went to the store the other day and came back to these pictures on the camera! I think Zoya and Daddy had fun while I was gone!
Some Good PT!



Mya and Zoya are really starting to love eachother! Zoya looks at me and pets Mya real nice and waits to hear praise! We have been showing her how to pet Mya nicely.  Most of the time she does, but sometimes when she thinks we're not looking she pulls her ears or fur.  Today she did that and got a big yelp from Mya and Zoya started crying...maybe she realized she hurt her or she was just scared!

Here are some pictures of Zoya and Mya playing nicely with Zoya's musical light-up ball that Mya just happens to love!

Sweet girl petting Mya nicely!


This picture cracks me up! I'm telling Zoya to be nice and Mya looks very cautious...rightfully so! Mya and Zoya are kind of in the same position here!


Today while Shawn was feeding Zoya breakfast, I made chocolate chip cookies.  He was feeding her a banana and I came over with a little cookie.  I gave her part and she wouldn't stop staring at the cookie! We held up the banana (which she normally loves) and the cookie and her eyes and hands went right to the cookie...in lightening speed!!!  Here is the evidence of her cookie afterwards! Not too messy!


Shawn had to work today so Zoya, Mya, and I played outside for a bit.  She thinks the grass is pretty neat!

Sweet friends!

Laughing girl...

Mya and Zoya watching the neighbor!





Picking the grass....

Tasting the grass....

She looks so teeny tiny here. 

I can't wait to watch her grow year after year on this lawn!

Sunday, May 2, 2010

One Month Since Court!

I can't believe today is May 2nd, exactly one month after our final court date. A month ago today Shawn and I stood in a tiny court room in Ukraine holding hands experiencing new nerves and new excitement! Fast forward one month and we are home still wondering if this all really happened!

We've been so busy! Zoya took a trip with me to the school I teach at.  Everyone there was so happy to see her...she was like a celebrity for sure! She gave lots of hugs and waves and smiles.  Everyone just loved her :)  She was so excited to see all the kids.  She was just so curious and just kept staring in amazement! We were there for an hour and a half and could have stayed longer but Zoya was getting sleepy and still hadn't eaten lunch.  My 2nd graders were so excited to see me again and to meet Zoya.  I can't believe how much my kiddos grew in 6 weeks!

We had a photo shoot with Zoya's new bathing suits!


Yesterday we went down to the bayfront to visit our sailing buddies.  Shawn and I volunteer for an adaptive sailing program during the summers.  It's an awesome program and when Zoya is older she will have a chance to sail on Lake Erie every Friday:)  Our sailing group was meeting to work on the sail boats and get them ready for the start of the sailing season in June. 

Here are a couple pictures of Zoya in her first boat...not on the water though:)

Last night, we took Zoya to the mall for her first of many shopping trips.  We didn't buy much but she enjoyed looking at all the people and waving to them as they passed by.  Some people smiled at her and waved back and said "Oooo, how cute." Others just ignored her or looked at her funny.  I said to Shawn, come on, if you saw a cute baby waving at you would you NOT wave back??? Some people are just too busy to stop and smell the roses I guess! Zoya is changing the world one person at a a time :) When Zoya is in new places she mostly just stares with wide eyes taking it all in.  She loves being out and about and seeing new things.  I would imagine she would, especially after seeing only the 4 walls of her orphanage for almost two years!
Zoya really wanted to buy a riding lawn mower but Daddy said No! Hehe.

In the mall we went to Ruby Tuesdays for dinner.  This little girl is always well behaved when food is involved.  She had a mini burger and some mashed potatoes :) She waved to everyone that passed by our table.  Are you seeing a common action here? Zoya waves to lots of people! She loves to get attention from others and we are so excited that she has learned an acceptable way to do so (instead of hitting/grabbing/biting-which we still see sometimes but fading). 
We had to buy a new Baby Einstein music toy as the one from Ukraine bit the dust from overuse! It is still her favorite toy and we take it with us to all new places incase she gets overwhelemed with the "newness." This toy seems to comfort her no matter where we are. 

Big girl standing herself up!

She loves shoes...

Zoya enjoys looking out windows and doors.

Zoya is starting to be nicer to Mya! In fact, last night I was laying on the floor and Mya snuggled her head into my neck and just layed there.  Zoya came over and nicely pushed Mya out of the way and did the SAME EXACT thing Mya was doing.  She snuzzled her head right into my neck. Shawn and I were laughing so hard! Zoya just looked at us like "what?" Like I said, this girl is smart figuring out how to get attention!

Here she is reading all about Down Syndrome.  She has big plans to write her own book one day!

Zoya and Moma time on the couch! She loves flying.

Snuggles...

Silly Girl!

She fits in her Daddy's arms perfectly!

Zoya's favorite time of the day....lunch! I've started taking her shirt off to feed her because she is one messy girl! She doesn't seem to mind!

Friday, April 30, 2010

"Nevers" Become "Firsts"

As I sit here reflecting on the day, I am thinking about how Zoya is experiencing so many firsts that quite possibly could have been "nevers."  Many children in Zoya's orphanage, and orphanages across the world, will experience "nevers," while Zoya experiences her "firsts."  A number of people have said to just forget the other kids.....to get Zoya out and never look back...to simply enjoy what we have with Zoya...to focus on the positive.  Of course we are so grateful that Zoya is home with us and that God has used us to save her life and allow us to help replace her "nevers" with "firsts," but the memories of the children left behind won't fade. Yes it's only been a week that we've been home, but I have a feeling the memories and visions of what we saw and the many children without homes and families will be just as fresh in my mind 5, 10, 15, 50 years from now.  I sometimes want the memories to fade because it would take a burden off my shoulders.  Mostly though, I feel like I should have this heavy weight on my shoulders...this feeling about all the children left behind, well, this feeling is nothing compared to what the children who are left behind feel.  As Zoya experiences so many firsts, I can't help but remember the children who will NEVER experience any of these joyous moments. 

We took Zoya to Presque Isle today.  Her first trip to "the beach" with trees, sunshine, sand, and a beautiful lake.  As we were strolling along I thought, every single child in this world deserves a day at the beach.  Every single child in this world, regardless of ability, or "worldy" worth, deserves to feel the sand in between their toes.  Every single child in this world, no matter their "baggage" deserves to hear the birds chirping and listen to the waves crashing.  Every single child in this world deserves to hear and feel the words, "I love you."  Every single child in this world, at least, deserves to have a home and a loving family to call their own.  No child should have to yearn for/wish for/hope for love.  Every child in this world deserves love.  It breaks my heart to know that so many children, 147 MILLION, to be exact, are waiting, just waiting, to experience the love they deserve.  And it breaks my heart even more to know that so very many of those children will NEVER get that chance.  It is as simple as that.  They will die never knowing love.

I know adoption is not for everybody.  But if you are feeling the call toward adoption, stop with the excuses.  Trust.  Take a leap of faith.  It is not all glorious and storybook-ish, no, I won't pretend it is.  But at the end of the day if you can put aside your worries and excuses, you can change one child's "nevers" to his "firsts."  I prayed that God would give me His eyes, and He has given me His eyes for the orphan crisis.  I'm trying to give you my eyes.  I'm sort of like the middle man, but if this blog pushes even one person to take the leap and bring home an orphan, then it is all worth it.  But I won't stop at just one orphan. I won't put it all behind me.  I won't forget the other children.  I won't ever be the same. 

For Zoya though, her "nevers" are finally becoming "firsts."  Because of us? Because we are wonderful people for giving this child life? NO! Because God loves Zoya so much.  Because He moved mountains in our path and cast them into the sea.  Because He showed us what life for Zoya would be like without us.  Because we took a risk and listened to the call, we stopped with all the excuses, we put our faith in God, we said Yes God.  That's ALL we did.  He did the rest.  And you might just be surprised with how much of a gift this child will be to you.  So not only are Zoya's nevers becoming firsts, but our nevers (had we not listened to the call) are becoming our firsts. 

With that said, we are in awe of all of Zoya's firsts.  It is amazing to see the world which we've lived in so long, in a new way, through her eyes.  Zoya has shown us a little bit of heaven here on Earth.  Her innocence, her joy, her happiness, with all she has been through, are teaching us so much.  Watching her hear the birds and turn and point at them, listening to her laugh when she sees us dancing like fools, seeing her big eyes looking at the world in amazement and wonder, remind us we've really been missing a lot.  We are laughing at ourselves more, taking unimportant parts of life a little less serious, taking time to express our love for others, prioritizing, and being thankful for all that we have in this life. We are so lucky to have Zoya.  We are so blessed.  We are so unworthy of this gift, but God loves us and He loves Zoya and he created our family, knowing what each of us could bring to one another, long before we could have ever imagined.  We are so grateful.

Here are some pictures from our trip to Presque Isle today.

This picture was taken on the car ride down.  Zoya is saying, "Feed the Poor" haha not really but she looks like it! She loves toys that are not really toys...such as a cool whip bowl!



I love this picture because she is always holding on to my hair like it's a rope! So sweet :)


And I thought the next two pictures were pretty cool.  I love light and dark in pictures...and we have a ton from Ukraine that will have to be a post all their own.  Light has followed us through this journey and it continues to do so.  You might chalk it up to bad photography, but I think it's more than that! 

Look at how the light radiates from the ground UPWARD in both of these pictures.

This one you can actually see the light surrounding Zoya's body.  I think the clouds look like an angel wing too!