Sunday, February 19, 2012

3 Months Home for Mila!

It is almost impossible to believe Mila has only been home 3 months! I mean it feels like she has been here soooo much longer than that!!! She has been through so much in that short time and is a completely different baby! 3 months ago today I trekked across the globe carrying  my precious 9.5 pounds of cargo who was in desperate need of medical attention. I held my breath nearly the entire trip, scared to death, just hoping she'd make it with no big medical scares. When I think back to that day, I realize I had no idea what we were in for. Had I been able to get a glimpse into what we'd go through over the next 3 months with our beautiful daughter, I'd have been scared out of my mind. God only shows us little pieces of the puzzle because sometimes that's all we can handle at that moment in time....and that has been true from the very beginning of Mila's adoption journey. This journey took us on an unknown road with too many forks to count, but each time we were led through, what seemed at the time, such a broken road. What I know now is that the road wasn't broken, we were.

Mila's stats:
4 Months ago: 7.5 pounds, 21 inches
Today: 16.5 pounds, 26.5 inches

Those stats are only an outward indication of all the inward changes happening.  We met Mila 4 months ago to the day. I can still picture it in slow motion in my mind. As the Assistant Director brought her to us with her arms outstretched like an airplane, I couldn't get over how tiny and pale she was.

She was not what I expected to see in so many ways. I don't really know what I expected to see, but it certainly wasn't her. I remember being so taken aback by how small and frail she was, yet curiously intrigued at how intensely her eyes were starting into my soul. Her deep, knowing eyes certainly did not match her body. Her entire body seemed to be in a stupor....her tiny size and awkward movements seemed to scream "distant" and "delayed," but her eyes contradicted everything else about her. Those eyes, once locked into mine, told a story the rest of her body was incapable of telling.  I vividly remember her eyes just staring into the depths of my soul as if to say "I will be okay if you just help me...I am here inside of this body....I need you dont' know it yet, but you need me."

These past three months have been so hard, yet so amazingly rewarding. Since the day I met Mila that connection between her eyes and my soul has gotten us through many difficult days. Although it did seem like love at first sight and every ounce of me loved that girl the moment I laid eyes on her and held her, I found that I was distancing myself from Mila at times after I realized her serious physical condition. After that first lightening strike of love, I got so scared.  In my heart I wanted so badly to let go and just love with 100% of my heart, but I was terrified of losing her. I was so focused on researching and seeking out the medical care that she needed....that became my outlet for my fear as well as a distraction from reality and a distraction from focusing on just loving her....Doing those things gave me some artificial sense of being in control, when in reality I knew that I had no control over a damn thing.

Over the past three months Mila has endured three pretty major surgeries, along with her entire world being flipped upside down. She has persevered with strength that could have only come from God. She is a different child today than she was when we entered the United States 3 months ago, and even more different today than the day we met her 4 months ago. 

Mila is continuing to come out of the "orphanage stupor." Those eyes still stare deep into my soul and it is then that I feel the greatest connection to her. It is that same look I got 3 months ago to the day...that look that says, "stick with me here, I'm getting ready to blossom....I love you and you love me." It is then that I see she's getting ready to break out of her cocoon and spread her wings. In the 7 months of her life prior to meeting us, I can't even begin to fathom what Mila went through each day, alone and so sick...bundled up in that cocoon with no light coming in or shining out...wondering if she'd ever get the chance to spread her wings and fly....Well baby girl it's time and we can't wait to see your beautiful colors when those wings open!

Happy 3 months home Mila bean!
I love you in a way I never knew existed!


  1. Oh my, just look at how far she's come already!

    Go Mila Go!!!

    You're such a beauty inside and out!

  2. She is so incredibly gorgeous. So glad she is doing so well. :-)

  3. So much has happened it does seem like longer than 3 months. Just look at her evolution in those pictures, how amazing a creation of our God you are Mila! You are one special little girl and you will continue to amaze us all I know.
    She definitely is breaking out, I can't believe that baby has more than doubled her weight and grown 5 1/2" in 4 months time! My word, if she is still having trouble sleeping I bet it is growing pains- growing that fast has got to hurt!
    As for Mom, look how much you have grown too!I can only imagine I would have felt just as guarded yet helpless as you did with that amazing little creature. I suspect it was much like placing a sponge in a bowl of water and letting it absorb at its own pace. It was only natural to soak her in. You are an amazing Mama and I can tell from your words how your already strong faith in God has grown even deeper thanks to all that has happened in these few short months.

  4. Wow! Its amazing what love can do!!!

    Be blessed


  5. What a gift! She is a miracle. Love her to pieces!

  6. Both of your daughters are so very, very precious:) Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. The transformation in both of them is simply amazing and comes from the love of your incredible family.......


  7. That made me all teary! She is beautiful and I love the way that God has already shown you such miracles! :)

  8. What a beautiful angel she is. What a story of hope and redemption. I'm excited to see what the future brings for this little miracle.
    On another note: Could you send me some links to the posts that you did about the Preschool Prep series? They are sending us some box sets to give away in our fundraiser. I'd love to have some other reviews to share when I talk about them. Thanks! hfillmore at digis dot net

  9. That is such a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing some very touching moments with the rest of us. Mila is absolutely beautiful and I think we all noticed those engaging eyes, even through pictures. Congrats on 3 months!!

  10. Wow, what an awesome testimony to the power of faith, prayer and love! Congrats on being home with your family for 3 months now, sweet Mila--how beautiful you are!
    Love that photo you shared of you holding Mila when you met her and her looking into your eyes and gripping you tightly with both hands. It truly does seem like she is speaking volumes there... the intense look and holding you tightly as if to say "I KNOW you are my mama--FINALLY I have a mommy and daddy and sister to love me.." It's as if she was afraid to let go because you represented love, faith, family and HOPE. Hope for a better life, hope for healing, love and laughter. And truly, as exhausted as you guys must be, you are doing an awesome job! I just hope some time in your busy days you and your husband can take time to sleep and catch your breath so to speak, lol. TY for sharing your beautiful girls with us!