Ukraine doesn't just cross my thoughts a few times a day. I miss it so much some days I feel consumed by it. I long to return. These feelings surprise me, greatly. Especially because after Zoya's adoption I had no real desire to return to that country for a LONNNNNG time!
I don't know why I miss it so much. I don't know why a certain phone ringtone or song or smell can transport me right back to the 10 total weeks we spent in Ukraine and have me wishing I was there. There are little things I miss about Ukraine, like the slower pace of life, the living with so much less, the friends we made there, the experiences we had, the people. I loved that so many distractions were removed during our time in Ukraine....it was so much easier to hear the Lord's voice, and it was vital that we clung to Him. We had no other choice than to hand it all over. We needed Him like no other time...we were in constant communication. I felt His presence in almost every moment during our times in Ukraine. I long to feel that again. I can't get back to that no matter how hard I try.
I know part of me misses it so much because my children's roots are there and their roots are entwined with mine so deeply that there is simply no way to separate the two. Part of me misses it because I left a big part of my heart there with the little boys and girls still waiting for their mama and daddy. Part of me misses it because it is there that I started waking up from my nearly comatose life....there where I started to learn how many needs exist in this world and how little I had done to help anyone outside of my own backyard. It was there that I was forced to come to terms with the sadness and unfairness that exists in this world. It was in Ukraine that my perspective on life began to radically change.
But it feels like I miss Ukraine for more than all those reasons. Maybe I miss it so much because I feel that I have unfinished business there. I don't know what it is. I feel my heart being called to Ukraine, and it's a different kind of feeling than when we were called to adopt. I've been feeling so much unrest, trying to hear God's voice, and exactly what it might mean. I do know I miss it in a way I never imagined. Ukraine has a place in my heart like no other. I can't wait to share it's beauty with my girls one day.
Maybe God is calling your family to be missionaries there one day??
ReplyDeleteOh how much I understand! I have a heart for a certain area and countries of the world and I know it's God-given. I even have sweet brothers and sisters in Jesus in those areas that I love a lot and would love to see! However, God is calling me to wait on this dream. I know it's for the best :)
ReplyDeleteMay He bless you greatly as you pray and wait on Him for the leading! I know it's gonna be the best whatever happens :D
God bless you, your sweet family and the precious people of Ukraine!
Prayers for you....it is going to be great fun to see where the Lord is leading your compassionate hearts!! Meanwhile, two of his precious children have found a forever family with you! I'm quite sure his plan is still unfolding!! (((HUGS)))!!!!
ReplyDeleteI Love this and empathize completely. So many things trigger my thoughts and emotions to Ukraine during my day. I think I miss the simplicity most of all. (and 3 weeks with you guys of course!)
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate. I miss it, too, and would love to go back. On a missions trip, perhaps? I don't know.
ReplyDeletePerhaps! Are you in???? :)
DeleteI know exactly how you feel. My daughter is adopted from Guatemala and although I only spent a little under two weeks there, I miss the people who were so friendly and those I met living in little dirt huts who had nothing but were still so satisfied with life. Most of all, though, I miss it because it was daughter's first home and where the workers in the orphanage cared for her the best they could until I could get to her. One day I will take her back to visit and although she is Americanized, I hope that she feels the same connection to Guatemala that I do.
ReplyDeleteMisty Smith
Mother to a Guatemalan princesa, Karrigan Jane
This is such a beautiful post, clearly from your heart. I can relate, a little. My youngest daughter spent 8 weeks in the NICU in Seattle at Seattle Children's Hospital and after we left I actually missed Seattle, missed the hospital, and most of all missed the people at the hospital. Nobody else could understand that I had formed a relationship with Seattle, the city that saved my daughter's life. I also have a feeling that I need to return and wish I could do more to repay all that we got from that amazing hospital. Kinda similar to what you're going through, I think :)
ReplyDeleteI totally sympathize (well, sort of) about your feelings. Since beginning to read your blog, I feel like someone somewhere is trying to tell me something. I've never been the type to believe someone when they have said they had a "calling," but I feel a very strong pull that my husband and I should and could be doing something much more meaningful with our lives. I don't know if that is adoption or some other type of child advocacy, but I have been asking God why I have such strong feelings after being introduced to the plight of orphans. I have not gotten a definitive answer yet, but I hope to very soon.
ReplyDeleteSo glad your hearts are stirring!!!! Cant wait to see where the Lord leads
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