Sometimes I can't believe it has been two months already, but most of the time I can't believe it's only been two months. I can hardly remember life before Zoya (except for the times she is sleeping and I start thinking of leaving to run an errand or go out to dinner...then I remember that I FORGOT I have a baby and I can't do that anymore! LOL). But really, it seems that Zoya has always been a part of our lives. Before Zoya something was missing. I've never had so much joy or been filled with so much love and happiness as I am now. She makes waking up early something to look forward to. She makes me forget my stresses. She makes anything bad that happened during the day melt away with her smiles, hugs, and kisses. She makes life so much better! I could have never imagined that at this point in time, Zoya would be doing as well as she is doing. Some days I almost forget she wasn't always here with us. Zoya is an inspiration to so many people, including her Momma. When I grow up, I want to be just like her!
It was just over two months ago that we last saw the sad little faces of all the orphans left behind in Zoya's orphanage. I remember thinking if we can just get out of there the sadness and the idea of the fate they are facing won't bother me so much. But I was wrong. It still hurts just as much today as it did over two months ago as we sat outside the groupa door and peered into their sad world. I still feel myself there sometimes watching those babies. I have dreams that I am there and the babies are crying but I can't get through the door to help them. I guess I feel like that in real life too. I can see their faces and their empty eyes. I can see LEEZA, who laid in her crib 99% of the time we saw her. She would shake her leg so hard to rock herself and stick her hands so far down her throat just for some stimulation. She wore a cap because she had bed sores all over her head. She was the picture of agony. She was the picture of a miserable existance...how awful it would be to be that little girl right now without anyone to love her, or even touch her or hold her. But I know somewhere inside of her there is hope. There is hope that a family will come for her and some day write a blog post about how well she is doing after being home only two months. There is hope for all of those children, but most of the time it is overshadowed by an awful feeling of despair. So two months later, if you're wondering, Zoya has likely forgotten much of her previous life, but I still can't shake it. I don't think I'm supposed to.
Two months feels like another lifetime ago, yet I can still feel all of the raw emotions that we experienced on this journey...the good and the bad and I'm still trying to process it all.
Here are some happy pictures of our sweet sunshine!
Took her to the playground for the first time. She loves climbing....not so much love for the swing!