Doctors and More Shoes

Today I got a lot done but it didn't come easy! I spent most of the day on the phone getting Zoya on our insurance, setting up an intake meeting for Early Intervention Services, setting up an appointment with the International Adoption Clinic in Pittsburgh, contacting the Down Syndrome Clinic at Children's Hospital in Pittsburgh, and the most fun of all......trying to find a pediatrician for Zoya unsuccessfully might I add! 3 different doctors "declined" her.  I'm pretty sure at least 2 of those doctors declined her because she has Down Syndrome. The conversations all went something like this:

Me:      Hi is Dr. ** taking new patients?

Them:  What insurance do you have?
Me:      Highmark PPO Blue

Them:  Yes Dr. * is.

Me:     Okay, we just adopted her from Ukraine, she is 22 months old and has Down Syndrome and a heart condition that has been surgically corrected.

Them:  Umm let me get back to you.

Time ticks away....I call back......and bug them.....

Them:     Dr. so and so declined to take her as a patient

Me:       Okay, are there other doctors in this practice who would take her?

Them:    Yes I will have to get back to you

Me:      Okay thank you.

Them:    (getting back to me) He also declined

Me:       (hangup and call the next one)

The other conversation was similar and the doctor was taking new patients (I even said she was 22 months old) until the words Down Syndrome came out at which point the lady put me on hold and another lady came on and said, Ohh Dr. ** is only taking newborns, sorry.  Hmmph.  So tomorrow I'm back at it and after contacting friends and other parents, have gotten a couple more names to try.  If not, we will find someone in Pittsburgh to do all the initial appointments with her, and then when we get everything squared away we will transfer to someone in Erie who maybe isn't as good as what we'd hope for, but will be okay just dealing with the typical sicknesses and things. 

We did make a little time to do another shopping trip.  We bought some storage bins for the playroom and filled them up with all the toys we've already collected.  I have so many toys and therapy tools from teaching Life Skills...so it was fun to get all of those out!  We took a side trip to Old Navy :)  We found a dress on clearance that looks similar to the famous blue dress we met Zoya in.  We are going to take it to the orphanage and ask them if we can trade it and keep the blue dress.  I'd like to have the dress for the memory of that first meeting and our time there.  It is special to us.  Hopefully they will agree to swap.  I'm looking for another "winter-ish" dress so I can give the a 2 for 1 deal! Shawn told me I'm not allowed to buy anymore pink shoes (although he thought they were really cute)....so I bought a pair of PURPLE SANDALS! Hehe.  See?

On a different note.....a lot of people have asked me why the videos we posted on the blog were so short.  That would be because our connection in Ukraine was terrible and it took 10 minutes to upload a 30 second video and we were paying for internet by the minute.  So I have some longer ones that I will start posting.  YouTube is not working again tonight, so I will try tomorrow :) 

We had a nice night out with some friends and it was so great to share our experience in Ukraine.  It is amazing to see how it is moving others! We are so ready to have this special little celebrity home....she definitely has a fan club!!

Pink Shoes and Sunshine

It was a completely exhausting day and the only reason my eyes are still open now is because my brain will NOT shut down...my body is barely hangin in there, but my brain...that evil brain....is keeping me from resting!

I called the pediatrician to try to get an appointment for Zoya and am still waiting to hear back.  Also trying to decide if I want to call the International Adoption Clinic in Pittsburgh and set up an appointment there, or if we should start with the pedi...not sure.  Spent some time researching how to get Zoya a social security card and will try to put her on our insurance tomorrow.  Got caught up on a couple bills, did 2 more loads of laundry (Zoya's things), put some finishing touches (although still not finished) on Zoya's bedroom, organized her play room a bit, had lunch with a great friend, had a doctor appointment for myself (3 weeks of eating no vegetables and my body is NOT happy with me), uploaded 800 pictures from Ukraine to the Walmart website only to find out they wanted to charge me $30 for shipping, and went shopping for Zoya girl for about 3 hours! How is that for a full day?

The little things make me happy lately....like pink shoes.  When I got home from shopping I thought I only bought 3 pair of shoes for Zoya but when I started unpacking the bags I realized I actually bought 4 pair...and they all are either pink or have pink in the pattern! I will probably never buy Zoya red shoes because that will remind me of her pathetic orphanage shoes that don't even fit! Apparently though, I like pink shoes :)  See? I bet she will like them too!

Pair #1....

Pair #2....

Pair #3....

Pair #4....

What can I say? They were all on sale ;)

So even though I had an incredibly busy day, at the end of the day two things made me really happy: pink shoes and the wonderful sunshine and warmth we had all day today! Driving with my windows down and smelling fresh air (missed that very much in Ukraine) was enough to make this day awesome! Zoya loves Sunny Days too...see?

Also on sale ;)

Oh...and I also put this stencil on Zoya's wall today....I love the saying....

I also put out the Matryoshka Dolls that we bought for Zoya in Ukraine

Our house is almost as ready as our hearts are for Zoya to come home!! We will definitely be doing more baby proofing than we thought since she is movin' and shakin' a lot more than we thought she would be!

There's No Place Like Home!....A New Perspective

Oh my....being home is so absolutely wonderfully amazing! The 2 straight days of travel were well worth is, but we are missing our girl like crazy already! I have lists everywhere, things I need to do, to buy, people to call, so much to do in the next 6 days! We are leaving back to Ukraine on Sunday, April 11th.  We will get into Ukraine on Monday, April 12th, take the night train back to Zoya's region and get there at 7am Tuesday morning, just in time to begin all of the "after court" paperwork.  Tuesday is the first day after the 10 day wait period that we are allowed to start paperwork.  We will likely be in her region until Sunday, possibly Monday.  We will then break her out of the orphanage and take her on the 8 hour night train back to Kiev and take 2 days to get a medical and do US Embassy and visa "stuff."  Hoping to be home with her April 22 or 23!! If anyone has any ideas for our airplane rides (totalling about 15 hours) for a very active 22 month old....PLEASE let me know :)

We came home to a very nice homecoming! Our wonderful friend Jen house and doggy sat for us while we were gone.  We are so lucky to have her! We came home to lots of yummy food (taco dip, pasta salad, cake), a cute little Easter Basket, a wonderfully CLEAN house, fresh flowers, and a bunch of other cute little "welcome home" touches. 

Our neighbors were so nice and took down our CHRISTMAS lights while we were gone.  Yah, we meant to get around to that, but we've been just a little busy...hehe.  They also made these cute banners and put them on our garage doors.  It really made us smile when we pulled into the driveway!

We have the best neighbors!!!

I have spent some time looking at our over 700 pictures and videos we took during our trip to Ukraine.  I cannot believe how much Zoya has changed from the first day we met her.  She is honestly a different child.  She is already becoming the child she was always meant to be.  I look at the videos from our first meeting and compare them to the videos of our most recent times together, and it makes me both happy and sad. 

Happy because I can see what a big difference love alone can make in the life of a child.  Happy because I can see her bond forming so strongly with us.  Happy because I know we've already made a huge difference in her life, and she in ours.  Happy because from this point on, the three of us are forever changed for the better. 

Sad because also floating in the back of my mind is the thought of all the millions of other orphans who will never become the children they were created to become because they will die before every knowing the love of parents.  Sad because thinking about how love is already transofrming Zoya also reminds me of how many of these orphans will never transform...how their true personalities will never be cultivated....Sad because they will never experience the joy that Zoya is already beginning to experience....Sad because the world will never have the opportunity to appreciate so many of these beautiful children.  Sad because our eyes have been ripped wide open and forced to realize that many of these orphans will go unnoticed, disregarded, overlooked, unseen, and at the end of all of that....they will go unchanged.

That is how this entire journey has been....bittersweet.  Although we had so many happy, blissful, exhilirating moments with Zoya in Ukraine, there are undertones of sadness, feelings of helplessness, and traces of heart-wrenching visions...flashbacks of neglected children whom the world will never even know exist.  I am still raw with emotion and trying to process all that we experienced.  I don't know what to do with this new perspective.  I don't know how to make this crisis better.  I don't know what to do to fix the problem.  I don't know how to save these children.  The worst feeling I've had of all is the overwhelming fear that I can't make this better, or fix the problem, or save these children.  What I can do is share our story and our experience and maybe open a few eyes to what is happening to these children across the world...but it doesn't seem like enough.  I know it is not enough.  Even with all of the joy and happiness we've experienced since we met Zoya, that gut-wrenching sick feeling will not leave...even when I close my eyes....it doesn't go away.  The worst part of all is that these feeling I'm having don't even compare to the sadness and distress these orphans must feel day after day.  I asked God to give me His eyes during this trip and he has. Before we left I listened to this song over and over:

Give Me Your Eyes by Brandon Heath

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see

Everything that i keep missing

Give me your love for humanity

Give me your arms for the broken hearted

The ones that are far beyond my reach

Give me your heart for the one's forgotten

Give me your eyes so I can see

Sometimes, I'm ashamed to admit, that I wish I never saw what I saw because it was so much easier not knowing.  It is a heavy burden to carry.  Of course in the end, I feel priviledged that God thought enough of me to share the story of the orphans.  He thinks enough of me that I deserve to be blessed by being Zoya's moma and has planted a seed in me that will hopefully grow into something great.  God has a plan and has shown us these things for a reason.  Until He reveals His bigger plan to us, we will enjoy our ray of sunshine and marvel at the awesome things God has done in our lives, and in Zoya's.

WE MADE IT HOME!

Dear Friends and Family.....
Going on 42 hours of no sleep but we are soooooo excited to be home! 4 plane rides and a car ride from Buffalo later....we are HOME SWEET HOME!  I almost cried when I saw Mya dog and she was going CRAZY when she saw us.  We definitely miss our Zoya girl and didn't realize how hard it would be to leave, but also feel we made the right decision by coming home for a much needed recharge period.  I have missed the comforts of home SOOOO very much and am more thankful now than I've ever been for everything and everyone we have in our lives.  I am embarrassed to admit that I even kissed my washing machine and dryer when I got home! I will never complain about having to do laundry again...because doing laundry with a washer and dryer is EASY!  Thank you to all of you for all of your prayers and support.  We are so lucky to have gotten closer to friends and family through this process, and to meet so many new wonderful people! We have a million things to do this week in preparation of Zoya's homecoming but I plan to try to blog once a day....there are so many things to write about....so many realizations we have had on our journey home.  Looking back already, we are truly amazed that all of this has happened and amazed by all the little miracles along the way.  It seems surreal that she is really ours and we can't imagine what it will feel like to break her out of the orphanage SOON! Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you....without you this journey would not have happened! We look forward to your continued prayers and support as we finally BRING ZOYA HOME!

With Love,
Sarah and Shawn

Introducing......

In the eyes of God, all of us....and NOW THE COURT.....Miss Zoya Faith Basile is officially ours!!! We still have to wait 10 days during the wait/appeals period before we can take her but she is legally our little girl! What a long day and quite the story to tell....God is amazing and performed some miracles today. 

We arrived at the court at 8:00, an hour early.  We waited and waited and waited for everyone to arrive.  For court in Ukraine, there are "witnesses" that must be present.  Their role is not to decide the case, but they are allowed to ask any questions and give their opinion.  They were the same witnesses from Tuesday.  While we were waiting, one of the witnesses, a woman in her 60s, sat down next to us.  She hadn't been very friendly on Tuesday, but then again nobody here really is.  I noticed a lanyard sticking out of her purse and it had the word, "miracle," just as I was praying that everything would go well today.  I thought it was pretty neat and pointed it out to shawn.  I knew it was a sign!...........

Anyways, the judge finally graced us with his presence around 9:30, a half hour late.  We were really nervous. They went throug the entire part of court that they already did on Tuesday.  Asked us our full names, places of birth, where we live, and what we do for a living.  Then they read aloud our petition asking to adopt Zoya, and did another role call where every person in court introduced themselves by giving all the same information we just gave.  They asked, which one wants to go first (before the firing squad hehe) and Shawn stood up.  The judge simply said, tell me all about you and why you are here.  Thank goodness our facilitator gave us some questions to answer one at a time.  Shawn did well and spoke from his heart.  Even though our facilitator was translating everything we were told only to look at the judge the entire time (which we did EVEN when he was staring out the window looking bored!).  Next was my turn.  I told all about the programs we are involved in and told the judge, prosecutor, witnesses, and everyone else how these children really do have a future in America.  I noticed one of the witnesses looking at me like I was bonkers....well they both kind of were at one point or another.  Next it was the social workers turn.  She gave all the information about why and how Zoya became an orphan and her "diagnosis." Next was the representative from the orphanage...which was my favorite part.  She told the judge that we met Zoya on March 17th and visited her every day, twice a day, since then.  She told the judge that Zoya gets excited when we come, she recognizes us, and knows that we are "her people"and she knows she belongs with us.  That about made me cry.  The prosecutor only had one question for each of us (which I hear is UNHEARD OF from this prosecutor).  The judge took about 30 minutes to read aloud all of our documents.  He went over EVERY SINGLE ONE and let me tell you there were a TON! When he was going through the papers, he pulled out the pictures we had printed for him.  He smiled a teeny tiny smile, like he was trying not to, and then passed them to the witnesses.  The witnesses both smiled.  Here a smile means A LOT.  Nobody here fakes a smile.  When you see one, it is most definitely real!

The judge said he needed a 5 minute break.  Our facilitator looked worried.  They called the prosecutor out and then our facilitator.  We listened to the other people inside the court room saying something....we didn't know what the buzz was all about.  She came back to tell us that he wanted an offical stamp on one of the papers.  Everyone else agreed it didn't need a stamp because it was on official letterhead from the hospital where Zoya was born.  Even the prosecutor said it wasn't needed.  He said basically that her didn't care and he wanted the stamp.  Marina begged him to just finish court and make a decision TODAY and told him we would go right after court and get 2 stamps even! LOL.  Somehow, HE AGREED!  He took another 5 minute break to make his decision.  He came back in with the witnesses, who were all smiling now...big change! He read his decision and I knew it was coming because when he said it in Ukranian, everyone started smiling, but still we waited to hear it translated in English.  The court granted us our request to become Zoya's parents!!!! Shawn and I teared up big time and squeezed each other's hand.  Once he was done talking we hugged each other and our facilitator.  Everyone was all smiles now, even the judge!! Court finished at approximately 11:45....only 2 hours and 15 minutes!

So we were off for the hour drive to the hospital where Zoya was born.  Our facilitator called ahead and said she was the assistant to the judge and we were holding up court to get this document done and could they please stamp it as soon as we get there.  They agreed!!  Our facilitator is THE BEST.  So we took the drive there going 140km/hour....which is almost 90 miles per hour...and made it there in 40 minutes. We drove back to bring the stamped. document to the judge. On the way we stoped at the social worker's office to drop something off.  Our facilitator came out and said everyone was buzzing about "how in the world did you get the judge to have such a quick court and make the decision today?"  First I thought, "that was quick??!!!"  And I guess where we are, it is quick.  Having ONLY 2 court dates here is a victory.  I said it must have been all the prayers. 

Next we dropped the newly stamped paper off to the judge.  While our facilitator was inside one of the witnesses, who is also a janitor in the court, stopped her.  She said how in her head she was thinking this was a crazy idea that we wanted this child, but after listening to us and seeing the pictures, she knew in her heart "we must let this child go with them."  She said the judge asked her, a cleaning lady (and witness of course) what she thought about the case and if he should make a decision today! She was suprised that the judge asked her opinion and she said, yes I think we should.  Remember the lady with the "miracle" lanyard hanging out of her purse? I told our facilitator I thought she seemed very nice today as opposed to our first court.  She said her and the other witness were both annoyed that they had to come in and hear a case on an adoption of a child with Down Syndrome.  Here that is unheard of and "stupid." The miracle here is the God changed their hearts....softened their hearts for our case.  Usually the witnesses don't do much, but in our case the judge asked their opinion and I believe it was through them that the judge decided to give us a decision today. The lady with the "miracle" lanyard couldn't have been happier for us, when just days before she was so annoyed with us and our desire to adopt a child with Down Syndrome.  Our facilitator reminded us that we really are pioneers here and since this was the first adoption of a child with special needs in this area, people are still confused and leery of us.  I am so glad to know that God has used us to open eyes here.  I wonder if the judge will remember us and Zoya years from now as his first adoption of a child with special needs...hopefully years from now there will have been many more of these adoptions and maybe it won't be so taboo!

So many more thoughts racing through my head...but we are packing to leave TONIGHT! We got a flight out of here into Kiev and a flight from Kiev to Frankfurt to Chicago to Buffalo...getting in at 5:06 home time tomorrow! So excited. Off to pack, one last visit with Zoya, then outta here for 10 days :)  I will probably have some more organized thoughts when my mind isn't racing a million miles a minute...so sorry for the scattered post :)

Pictures from Yesterday

Here are the pictures I couldn't get to upload last night! So cute :)

She wasn't just making a crazy face here she was half way through a yawn LOL.

Thats our Zoya girl!  Court is in about an hour and my tummy is feeling nervous! Thank you for the prayers.  I will update as soon after court as I can.  I am expecting it to last about an hour and a half.

Day 20, the night before court #2

It is about 7:15 pm here and I don't know if either of us will sleep much tonight.  We are getting picked up at 7:50 tomorrow morning and will wait at the court house for about an hour while our facilitator runs around picking up all the other people who have to be there again (prosecutor, social worker/inspector, orphanage representative).  Court is at 9am (as long as the judge is on time), which would be 2am home time.  We were able to work our a flight into Buffalo instead of Erie and it is "on hold" for us IF court finishes tomorrow!  For those of you who haven't traveled yet, I can't tell you enough how amazing Golden Rule Travel Agency is.  They are used to working with adoptive families and Eldon is simply wonderful! The thought of coming home is so great, but I try not to think about it for too long because we really have no idea what will happen tomorrow.  I don't want to get my hopes up, but of course they already are.  We are all thinking positive and the important people are saying they "think" everything should go well tomorrow.  I guess it all depends on which side of the bed the judge wakes up on and if he had enough coffee or not.  The other family who was here is turning down their referral so it's back to just us at this orphanage again. 

We visited with Zoya tonight and she was so stinkin cute! She is babbling more and imitating sounds and small words.  She is giggling a lot and happy to see us when we come.  I just wish we had a room to play with her in...with something other than a cement floor.  She is very distracted with all the workers in and out and she ALWAYS has to know what is going on around her!  We got a couple cute videos tonight of Little Miss Zoya. 

In this video, Zoya thought it was hillarious when I tried to pull the binky out because it made a funny sound. Then she would bite down on it so I couldn't get it and laugh even harder when I tried to pull it out but couldn't! At the end you can see her turn around because she heard someone behind her.


This is another cute video of Zoya running from Daddy in her walker. At the end he scared her but didn't mean to. She thought it was funny and cracked up!

And some pictures....

So Happy!

Okay, Blogger is having issues AGAIN...so I will try later to upload the other photos...check back!

Zoya Made a New Friend Today

Much to my dismay, Zoya has already made a friend that I don't approve of.....BARNEY! Ahhhh! We took the DVD player over on our visit today and put in a Barney DVD...she was amazed! She loved all the singing and dancing and even learned to clap her hands to the music! She would dance back and forth and then just stop and stare in amazement! She kept getting really close to the DVD player and even kissing it! haha.  When we were given her medical information one thing that was said was translated as: "Zoya has far vision." We don't know if that means she is near sighted, or far sighted...I'm thinking probably near sighted and it just came out wrong in the translation? She seemed to like getting VERY close to the screen, which reminds me of another certain little boy I know who shall remain nameless...all I will say is he loves McDonalds...and we miss him very much...hehe :) Either way we will have her vision checked when we get home! She loves to feel the vibration of things that make sounds...even the DVD player. She kept putting her hands and face right on the DVD player.

I was singing to her...she absolutely loves music!

We were really excited that she didn't seem tired at all today, and then while watching Barney, in like 2 seconds flat, she went from this:

to this......

in 2 seconds flat!

We knew we'd be busted since we were still inside so I tried to wake her up by calling her name...useless I tell ya! Then the "oppsite of favorite" caretaker came in and started SHOUTING her name and she woke up she kept waking up then falling asleep....kinda reminded me of being in college, really really tired, and not being able to keep your eyes open....they would open then her head would go down and eyes shut.  Shawn and I couldn't help but laugh out loud while this lady was SCREAMING at Zoya and Zoya's head kept bobbing up and down...eyes wide open, then shut....repeat!  The lady didn't like that we were laughing and just got louder and louder. The care taker was NOT happy so she went over to the sink, got some cold water and slapped it onto Zoya's face a couple times.  I didn't know if I should laugh or cry.  I felt like slapping the lady but I refrained from doing that for obvious reasons.  Seriously, whenever she falls asleep (although we have been trying not to let her but it doesn't seem to make a difference...she will sleep sitting up, upside down, laying down...whatever position she is in)...anyways, when she falls asleep I feel like Shawn and I are the two guys from "My Cousin Bernie" trying to make her "look alive" behind the steering wheel! LOL.  We are realizing that there are a few care takers who let her sleep when she is tired and a few who will do ANYTHING to keep her awake. 

Tomorrow at 9am our time is our 2nd (and hopefully final) court date.  We are nervous and anxious to have this court date and hoping that God will give us the words we need when we are being questioned by the judge and give the judge a soft spot in his heart for this adoption.  We need prayers for our facilitator, Marina, as well, as this is a new situation for her and we know she has done everything she can to help this court date be our final one.  We hope and pray that tomorrow is the day that Zoya will be ours, not only in our eyes and God's eyes, but in the eyes of the court as well.  Thank you for your kind words and continued prayers. 

A Heavy Heart, the Binky, and Frozen Pizza

I was emailing another adoptive Moma who is working toward adopting a little boy from Zoya's orphanage.  I did not have intentions of writing the words I wrote, but they just came out.  There is so much sadness here and it is emotionally draining to see day in and day out.  Yes the children are fed and clothed, but are they loved? They have never experienced the love of parents, never.  Can you imagine your own child not ever knowing your love?  Here is part of the email I sent to her:

These children should not have to compete for attention or hope every day that someone will just pick them up or love them a little. It breaks my heart to see children who want, not toys or material things, but Love...simply Love. That just shouldn't exist in our world today with all of our resources:( I have wondered a lot since we've been here what God thinks of all of this. I picture his face painted with dissapointment for all the people he is calling to adopt that are ignoring the call....all the people who so greedily keep their financial earnings to themselves when they could help others....I picture sadness on his face looking down upon His children that He created to be loved and valued...all His children who sit and lay in cribs all day without anyone to call their moma and papa....all the children who may never know what it feels like to be loved....all the children who are in such emotional pain day after day.  So many needs and it is hard to not feel defeated and so totally helpless over this problem. For Zoya we are making a difference, and for Sasha you are making a difference and for Sofia, Jen and Hector are making a difference, but for all the other nameless faces, who will make their difference?  This is heavy on our hearts and that is part of the reason we are so emotionally exhausted! Selfishly, I can't wait to be home away from all this sadness just for a break. We are so lucky we can escape this daily sadness these children endure....even though we will leave here, the sadness for these children will forever remain in our hearts.  I have posted this song/video before....but today I'm feeling every word of it.  I have always identified with this song, but today, there are no better words than the words of this song.

And that my friends is what is on my heart today, and every day since we've gotten here. 

On a happier note, we got to take Zoya outside again tonight.  We had tried a pacifier with her before she she didn't really have any interest in it, or maybe she just didn't know what to do with it.  We tried it again tonight, thinking maybe it will be soothing to her since she really enjoys the oral/motor stimulation, and she really liked it.  It seemed to calm her down, which is it's purpose.  I think she might have been chewing on it at times instead of sucking it, but hey, it's better than grinding her teeth. 

This is Zoya saying, "That stinky butt smell is NOT coming from me, I swear!"

Swinging on the Swing with Daddy!

And just for fun......

Some of Shawn's laundry on our clothesline outside...we hand wash our things in the sink....we waited til there were no fires burning outside because we don't like to use the scent of smoke and burning tires to finish off our laundry!

Here is Shawn holding the jugs of water we buy at the Market.  We can't drink the water here and we go through about one and a half of these a day.  We go to the store every other day, sometimes every day, and buy 2 each time.  Tamara asked us when we returned...she pointed to the jugs and said, "America?" She was asking if we have to buy jugs of water in America to drink.  We used sign language to tell her no we turn on the faucet and out comes the water into our cup and we drink it.  She threw her hands up and said, "Oy" like she just couldn't even imagine being able to do that!  The things we take for granted in America!

And here was our dinner tonight.  Our facilitator said, "I see you looking at the frozen pizza.  Do you just put it in the oven and it cooks?" She thought that was odd.  The frozen pizza selection here is slim.  We have been looking for just cheese or cheese and pepperoni...this was the closest we have found...cheese, salami, peppers, and broccoli...hehe.  It kinda tasted like the Fox n' Hound Pizza...but then again I am delirious and dreaming of things from home so it probably actually tasted like cardboard but don't tell my brain!

Off to Dairy Queen to forget my stresses and soak in the heated hot tub outside...just kidding (about both of those), but we can pretend right?

 

Day 19 in Ukraine

Today is a new day. We’re still a little on edge from yesterday, but we are trying to make a comeback. I have been thinking a lot about yesterday. We took so much time to get ready and dressed up and look our best. Then we were picked up and dropped off at the court to wait on a hard broken bench and stare at a blue crumbling wall for about 30 minutes while our facilitator went with the driver to pick up the orphanage representative, prosecutor, and inspector/social worker. As we sat there we talked about how in the world we had come to be sitting on a hard broken bench in a deteriorated building in the middle of Ukraine about 5,000 miles from our home…from our friends and family and from everything we’ve ever known. We laughed a little at how God convinced us to do this because, let’s face it, on our own, we would have never done something this crazy. And yesterday I realized just how crazy we are. And what is crazy? Crazy is leaving everything you know to travel half way across the world with the intent of bringing home a child we’ve never met. But really it isn’t that crazy because this has been God’s plan long before we ever gave it a thought. We are amazed to think that God had us in mind when this child was born, and actually long before that, to be her parents. I wonder what we were doing on the day she was born. I wish I could look back in a magic glass ball and see what we were doing that day. Whatever we were doing, I do know that we had no idea what was in store for us. We had no idea that almost 2 years later, we’d be sitting in a court house waiting to become her parents. It seemed like we waited for hours on end, when in reality, we only waited an hour. That is a long time to wait when such an important event is at stake.


In our eyes, Zoya has been our daughter since we saw her picture almost 7 months ago. In God’s eyes, she has been our daughter since the beginning of time. In the court’s eyes she is still not our daughter. That is the part that makes my heart hurt. We know one day we will be home with our daughter and we will forget the way we feel at this moment because it will all have been worth it. But the “in the moment” times are hard no matter what advice or encouragement anyone gives. We are human and at times lose sight of the bigger picture. We have not had an easy time here but have mostly chosen to laugh about it and try to enjoy the storm instead of waiting for it to pass. Since yesterday, we’ve had a hard time enjoying the storm. Our patience is wearing thin and our “annoyance limit” as Shawn calls it, is lower than what it has been. We need prayers that we can continue enjoying the storm and keep a sense of humor about it. We are trying the “fake it till we make it” concept right now. For example, yesterday after court when we wanted to cry, Shawn turned to our facilitator and said, “So is now a good time to ask the judge about waiving the 10 day wait?” She got a serious look on her face like “are you kidding?” and then she realized he was joking and started laughing.

We will likely not be able to come home in between as we originally planned because even if court finishes Friday there are no available flights due to it being Easter weekend. Everything is booked until Tuesday. Imagining being here almost 6 weeks all together (another 3 weeks to go) is pretty daunting at this point. We are looking into a few other options, but need prayers for peace. We did not prepare to stay here one long trip and bring Zoya home with us the first time. There are a lot of things at home that need to be taken care of (like the jury duty notice Shawn received yesterday…don’t think he is going to be able to sign that within 5 days) and that makes us feel uneasy. BUT, this is the day that the Lord has made and we will rejoice and be glad in it! So we will try to keep the end goal in mind and learn a little along the way….about ourselves, each other, our faith, and what it means to trust completely. Afterall, the price to pay to save a child from a life in a mental institution? Not nearly the price God paid to save us.