Wednesday, March 31, 2010

A Heavy Heart, the Binky, and Frozen Pizza

I was emailing another adoptive Moma who is working toward adopting a little boy from Zoya's orphanage.  I did not have intentions of writing the words I wrote, but they just came out.  There is so much sadness here and it is emotionally draining to see day in and day out.  Yes the children are fed and clothed, but are they loved? They have never experienced the love of parents, never.  Can you imagine your own child not ever knowing your love?  Here is part of the email I sent to her:

These children should not have to compete for attention or hope every day that someone will just pick them up or love them a little. It breaks my heart to see children who want, not toys or material things, but Love...simply Love. That just shouldn't exist in our world today with all of our resources:( I have wondered a lot since we've been here what God thinks of all of this. I picture his face painted with dissapointment for all the people he is calling to adopt that are ignoring the call....all the people who so greedily keep their financial earnings to themselves when they could help others....I picture sadness on his face looking down upon His children that He created to be loved and valued...all His children who sit and lay in cribs all day without anyone to call their moma and papa....all the children who may never know what it feels like to be loved....all the children who are in such emotional pain day after day.  So many needs and it is hard to not feel defeated and so totally helpless over this problem. For Zoya we are making a difference, and for Sasha you are making a difference and for Sofia, Jen and Hector are making a difference, but for all the other nameless faces, who will make their difference?  This is heavy on our hearts and that is part of the reason we are so emotionally exhausted! Selfishly, I can't wait to be home away from all this sadness just for a break. We are so lucky we can escape this daily sadness these children endure....even though we will leave here, the sadness for these children will forever remain in our hearts.  I have posted this song/video before....but today I'm feeling every word of it.  I have always identified with this song, but today, there are no better words than the words of this song.

And that my friends is what is on my heart today, and every day since we've gotten here. 

On a happier note, we got to take Zoya outside again tonight.  We had tried a pacifier with her before she she didn't really have any interest in it, or maybe she just didn't know what to do with it.  We tried it again tonight, thinking maybe it will be soothing to her since she really enjoys the oral/motor stimulation, and she really liked it.  It seemed to calm her down, which is it's purpose.  I think she might have been chewing on it at times instead of sucking it, but hey, it's better than grinding her teeth. 
This is Zoya saying, "That stinky butt smell is NOT coming from me, I swear!"

Swinging on the Swing with Daddy!

And just for fun......
Some of Shawn's laundry on our clothesline outside...we hand wash our things in the sink....we waited til there were no fires burning outside because we don't like to use the scent of smoke and burning tires to finish off our laundry!

Here is Shawn holding the jugs of water we buy at the Market.  We can't drink the water here and we go through about one and a half of these a day.  We go to the store every other day, sometimes every day, and buy 2 each time.  Tamara asked us when we returned...she pointed to the jugs and said, "America?" She was asking if we have to buy jugs of water in America to drink.  We used sign language to tell her no we turn on the faucet and out comes the water into our cup and we drink it.  She threw her hands up and said, "Oy" like she just couldn't even imagine being able to do that!  The things we take for granted in America!

And here was our dinner tonight.  Our facilitator said, "I see you looking at the frozen pizza.  Do you just put it in the oven and it cooks?" She thought that was odd.  The frozen pizza selection here is slim.  We have been looking for just cheese or cheese and pepperoni...this was the closest we have found...cheese, salami, peppers, and broccoli...hehe.  It kinda tasted like the Fox n' Hound Pizza...but then again I am delirious and dreaming of things from home so it probably actually tasted like cardboard but don't tell my brain!

Off to Dairy Queen to forget my stresses and soak in the heated hot tub outside...just kidding (about both of those), but we can pretend right?

 

9 comments:

  1. We indeed just can not imagine, what you experience, even if we try to. To see overfilled orphanages with children longing for love on a foto or by a report is one thing. To BE phisically IN a place like that, in a foreign country, it is undiscribeable different and it is of course emotinally hard hard work, what you are doing there, to be always surrounded by all this sadness. And how you said that in the previous post, there is that moment, where it is like it is, which is hard to bear.
    So what can I say...? Sometimes there is nothing to say.
    We keep praying over and over again!!
    Christina and family

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  2. Hi Sarah! I just talked with Jen for a while and stroked dear Mya. Also just showed our neighbor ,Chris, a lot of Zoya's pictures...of course she agreed that she is beautiful and looks like her mom and dad. Still praying, Liz

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  3. I can so understand everything you wrote. It seems like for years, in our family, we were always trying to buy more, get ahead, succeed, push harder...until last summer, when our 3 year old began having epileptic seizures. I read alot, trying to learn more, and git into contact with other people with special needs kids, which led me to Reece's Rainbow.
    I have struggled hard and long since then with the way my family has been so self-centered, disregarding what we should be doing with all we have been blessed with. How, if my son lived in another country, he could have been left as well. Would I have loved and wanted him any less if he were adopted? NO.
    I have been talking to my husband about this for some time. He is having a hard time with changing his heart. He does not want to "complicate" our lives by doing the right thing. But I won't give up. I am doing everything I can, starting yesterday. Hopefully, the rest will follow.

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  4. Janice Pulley-WelchMarch 31, 2010 at 5:04 PM

    Sarah- I am sorry to hear that you are so blue. I know that this is a difficult time but think of this as Braxton Hicks Labor pains. You are at the point when you got excited about court and think you are in Labor. (Just work w/ me.) You go to the hospital thinking you are going to deliver but the baby and God have other plans for you. You get sent home to have to wait some more. I know it's a far stretch but there are a lot of similarities. Along w/ the joy of expecting a child you get disappointed. On Tuesday your hopes were up that you would get the court proceedings started and then along came the disappointment. (Humor this old person). You and Shawn are doing an unbelievable thing for this little girl and she is also doing an unbelievable thing for you. You are a family, it's only the Officials that don't know it yet! Like you said before you were sent to the Ukraine for more than just bringing Zoya home. You guys are the pioneers that are going to make it easier for other little ones to be adopted. God has his plan for all of us! It's up to him to show us how He is going to use us. Remember Friday is Good Friday. Instead of getting your hopes up just to be dashed if the judge doesn't follow your plan, make it a great day w/ Zoya. Sunday will be your first holiday together as a family. How special! We are praying for you guys and for the judge. May he open his heart the way that you two have opened it to Zoya!!! and stop delaying my great niece from coming home!!! : )
    On another note- Zoya is coming right along! Each day she is doing/ learning new things and that is because of you two.
    Is there anything that I can send to you that might help you out??? (I don't think I can send Mya by Fed Ex) Anything else? Please let me know if I can help you out.
    Love ya,
    Aunt Janice

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  5. Sarah, as much as it hurts, I hope you don't forget the pain of all you are seeing. Now you are a witness and the world needs witnesses to give perspective. Witnesses to remind us all of what is really important. God has chosen you to be a witness for those who have no voice themselves. What a task that is but so necessary. You'll be a strong voice for justice for the needy and forgotten. Praying for strength for this ministry God's given to you.

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  6. Prayers for all of you, your spirits are so low, unlike the Shawn and Sarah we know. Zoya looks so comfortable on the swing with the sun shining down. The sun was shining here today, as we think of your dilemmas, we will pray the sun continues to shine down on each and everyone of you there. Your words continue to awaken realities we can not even imagine, now or ever. Each day you are closer to returning home with your Princess Zoya in your arms, may our constant prayers be your comfort at this time. Love to all, Debbie N

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  7. Do the Ukrainians drink their own tap water, we dont here so constantly buying bottled water is normal for us.

    I like what you wrote. The hard thing for me is to see others not adopting or sponsoring a child its frustrating. Another thing that hurts is corrupt American agencies, we went with one. We have been in this process 4 months and they did nothing they said they did only took our money. No one in Russia even knew we wanted our daughter, now here we sit brokenhearted and starting from scratch. I wish I could be over there with my child, I pray our turn is coming soon. I will continue to hold you up in prayer.

    When will you have court again?

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  8. You have a beautiful heart, Sarah, and we're sorry it's hurting. Prayers for your family and for all of the children who continue to long for a family of their own.

    ***

    Zoya looks so pretty in her purple coat! Our Lucy loves purple and had a love affair with her paci! So glad Miss Zoya found some comfort in hers!
    JTHTL

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  9. Bless your hearts! I am praying right now that God gives you the strength you need for taking one more step at a time. I am a horrible waiter and I know it is especially difficult when you are in a foreign country away from the comfortable familiar. Hold on. Hold tight. You are there as agents of the Lord.
    Joy, Caleb 2008 and Steven 2009, Ukraine

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