A Heavy Heart, the Binky, and Frozen Pizza

I was emailing another adoptive Moma who is working toward adopting a little boy from Zoya's orphanage.  I did not have intentions of writing the words I wrote, but they just came out.  There is so much sadness here and it is emotionally draining to see day in and day out.  Yes the children are fed and clothed, but are they loved? They have never experienced the love of parents, never.  Can you imagine your own child not ever knowing your love?  Here is part of the email I sent to her:

These children should not have to compete for attention or hope every day that someone will just pick them up or love them a little. It breaks my heart to see children who want, not toys or material things, but Love...simply Love. That just shouldn't exist in our world today with all of our resources:( I have wondered a lot since we've been here what God thinks of all of this. I picture his face painted with dissapointment for all the people he is calling to adopt that are ignoring the call....all the people who so greedily keep their financial earnings to themselves when they could help others....I picture sadness on his face looking down upon His children that He created to be loved and valued...all His children who sit and lay in cribs all day without anyone to call their moma and papa....all the children who may never know what it feels like to be loved....all the children who are in such emotional pain day after day.  So many needs and it is hard to not feel defeated and so totally helpless over this problem. For Zoya we are making a difference, and for Sasha you are making a difference and for Sofia, Jen and Hector are making a difference, but for all the other nameless faces, who will make their difference?  This is heavy on our hearts and that is part of the reason we are so emotionally exhausted! Selfishly, I can't wait to be home away from all this sadness just for a break. We are so lucky we can escape this daily sadness these children endure....even though we will leave here, the sadness for these children will forever remain in our hearts.  I have posted this song/video before....but today I'm feeling every word of it.  I have always identified with this song, but today, there are no better words than the words of this song.

And that my friends is what is on my heart today, and every day since we've gotten here. 

On a happier note, we got to take Zoya outside again tonight.  We had tried a pacifier with her before she she didn't really have any interest in it, or maybe she just didn't know what to do with it.  We tried it again tonight, thinking maybe it will be soothing to her since she really enjoys the oral/motor stimulation, and she really liked it.  It seemed to calm her down, which is it's purpose.  I think she might have been chewing on it at times instead of sucking it, but hey, it's better than grinding her teeth. 

This is Zoya saying, "That stinky butt smell is NOT coming from me, I swear!"

Swinging on the Swing with Daddy!

And just for fun......

Some of Shawn's laundry on our clothesline outside...we hand wash our things in the sink....we waited til there were no fires burning outside because we don't like to use the scent of smoke and burning tires to finish off our laundry!

Here is Shawn holding the jugs of water we buy at the Market.  We can't drink the water here and we go through about one and a half of these a day.  We go to the store every other day, sometimes every day, and buy 2 each time.  Tamara asked us when we returned...she pointed to the jugs and said, "America?" She was asking if we have to buy jugs of water in America to drink.  We used sign language to tell her no we turn on the faucet and out comes the water into our cup and we drink it.  She threw her hands up and said, "Oy" like she just couldn't even imagine being able to do that!  The things we take for granted in America!

And here was our dinner tonight.  Our facilitator said, "I see you looking at the frozen pizza.  Do you just put it in the oven and it cooks?" She thought that was odd.  The frozen pizza selection here is slim.  We have been looking for just cheese or cheese and pepperoni...this was the closest we have found...cheese, salami, peppers, and broccoli...hehe.  It kinda tasted like the Fox n' Hound Pizza...but then again I am delirious and dreaming of things from home so it probably actually tasted like cardboard but don't tell my brain!

Off to Dairy Queen to forget my stresses and soak in the heated hot tub outside...just kidding (about both of those), but we can pretend right?