Thursday, October 18, 2012

This Time Last Year.....

It was 4am Ukarine time and we were about half way through the super long 16 hour overnight train to Mila's region. So many thoughts and emotions were running through our heads (Surely I can tell you not one of them had anything to do with ever thinking we'd be embarking on another adoption journey a year later!). We knew our baby girl was sick, but we had no idea just how sick she really was. We knew she desperately needed surgery. We knew we were in the exact right time and moment. We knew we had followed the Lord through the brutal twists and turns our adoption journey took. We knew our lives were about to be forever changed. We had no idea how much Mila would teach us about HOPE and STRENGTH and MIRACLES. And we certainly had no idea just how much we would come to love that tiny 7 pound frail baby girl that God had sent us to. We were so unprepared...

We were unprepared to witness first hand your stiff weak body....
We were unprepared for the way you'd grab on and never let go!
We were unprepared for the way you'd stare so deeply into our souls as if we'd known one another forever already...

We were unprepared for the way you'd snuggle right up to your Daddy as if you'd been waiting for him your whole life....
We were unprepared for you to learn to trust so quickly after rarely having ever been held...
We were unprepared for your amazing fighting spirit

We were unprepared for those soulful eyes that shouted "I'm in here and I'm fighting and I've been waiting for you"
We were unprepared for your ability to hold on so long....
We were unprepared for our hearts to grow three sizes in one moment
We were so unprepared to be so completely blessed by you! 
Of all the ways we were unprepared, we were most unprepared to feel so completely in love despite our fears of losing you. We were unprepared to feel the Lord's peace surrounding us, knowing He promised HOPE for your life. 

I can't believe it was a year ago. Sometimes when I think about it, I can put myself right back in that tiny room, holding that tiny baby who is only a shadow of the daughter you are today. Sometimes I can close my eyes and remember that first day with crisp clear details as if it happened yesterday. Then, sometimes, I look at the beautiful child you are today, and I feel so far away from that day a year ago. Over the last year you have changed me, my beautiful daughter. You have shown me that one's heart can be so broken and yet so hopeful at the same time. You have taught me that human touch and love is essential to this life. You have opened my eyes even wider to remind me that all children, even those who've been written off, deserve  to be loved so completely and so entirely. You have changed my heart forever from that first moment I held your fighting little shell of a body. When I look back on our time with you in Ukraine, I see it through a thin veil separating reality from dreams, separating this earth from heaven. Never have I felt so close to heaven than the days we spent in Ukraine with you. There was something so magical about feeling so peaceful despite understanding the gravity of your condition. You have blessed me more than you'll ever understand. I can't wait to wake up to your beautiful face for a million more days, remembering where you came from, where you've been, and dreaming of where you're going in this one and only beautiful life! 



  1. Holy Moly! Talk about amazing!!! I was in tears over this blog...praying some day the Lord will open our home for such blessings....
    So happy for this beautiful little girl!! Hope!

  2. Mila, I remember when your mama posted those first pictures. I was so amazed that you looked right into your mama and daddy's eyes. I thought that God must have whispered in your ear that they were coming and you knew who they were. I'm so glad that you are home and healthy and happy.

  3. So beautiful....your Mama's heart and those sentiments. Is that really the same little baby girl? God sure answered all of the prayers for Jelly Bean back then!! He ocntinues to hear them for your whole family, including Curlie Girlie!! I can't wait to see how His plans unfold for your sweet girls!! (((BIG HUGS)))!!!!

  4. Okay, I bawled like a baby through that whole post...beautiful! Happy one year with your beautiful daughter! We just celebrated 2 years with our son and I can so relate to what you wrote, especially the part that every child deserves to be loved deeply...even the ones who have been written off. They are blessings waiting to be discovered!

  5. This made me cry. So wonderful and beautiful to see how far she has come. Many blessings.

  6. Read your article in the paper today and it gave me chills :) Having a special needs child myself (autism/mr/nonverbal, it's so hard to believe that two beautiful people would want to adopt specials needs children. It made me cry :) Happy tears! Jason has brought so much love into our home, life isn't easy at times but I know there was a plan and someday when I die it will all become clear! David and I became great advocates for Autism, in fact Jason was the first one in Erie County to receive wrap around services. I truly believe John DiMatio (BC at the time) would roll his eyes when he seen me coming :) Pittsburgh had it I wanted it for our son! Took about 8 months but we had it. So many children benefit from it, maybe that's part of the plan? I know Shawn from CVS, what a great guy. I always knew there was a story but didn't want to pry. Sarah what a wonderful gift you are giving your daughters. I'm sure you see it the other way around "they are giving you a gift" I will continue to follow you blog what a wonderful story of HOPE, LOVE and lots of LAUGHTER. Laughter makes the big things seem smaller, remember that! Have a great day! Robin Boyd

  7. What a heartfelt and precious post--had me in tears as well! Looking at sweet Mila, and how TINY she was..thinking of those important first months she spent alone (except for the Lord) and yet...she grabbed on--and as you so eloquently put it, she never let go! As another commenter stated, it's like she KNEW, like God said to her, "Mila my precious child, here is your mama and daddy. They are safe wonderful people whom I have chosen to be your forever family. You will never be alone again!" She knew...she looked in the eyes of her parents and saw unconditional love and HOPE. Can't wait to witness the blessings that continue to unfold in your beautiful family!