Yesterday I had one of those days where that feeling of being so blessed just wraps you up and takes over! Zoya gave me a million extra hugs and kisses and smiles and I tried to savor every single moment. We had our buddy Seth and his sister over Friday until Saturday. We did our annual "Seth weekend" traditions which included going to Kraynaks which is a big toy store and winter wonderland with tons of lights and Christmas displays. The whole time we were there I just kept thinking of when we went there last year. We went the same weekend a year ago. We had committed to adopt Zoya just 3 months before and we were so excited about getting her home. Last year when we were there we talked a lot about what it would be like to bring Zoya to Kraynaks and wondered if she would love the trees and lights. We bought her a little penguin hat in anticipation of her being with us this winter. I got teary just thinking back on waiting and hoping and wishing so badly for her to be with us. She loved it like we thought she would! Her little eyes lit up with all the trees and lights!
I had many moments yesterday where I looked at our sweet angel and was overcome with that familiar thought, "what would her life be like if we had not stepped out on faith?" This thought usually comes to me at least once a day but yesterday it just kept slapping me upside the face. It happens in happy moments, when we're dancing or singing or laughing or loving on each other. Guilt starts to creep over me as I recall being so close to not committing to adopt Zoya. Pictures of her empty eyes and frightened joy-less face, spaghetti legs and wooden cribs and other things that are still unspeakable, flash before my eyes.
Today, nearly SEVEN months after she's been a part of our lives, I look at her joyful love-filled face taking in all the love of a family and loving every second of it....I look at her smiling eyes that tell me she is so happy and thankful. I look at my husband's eyes who mirror hers and my heart overflows. I watch her with amazement as she learns something new every single day. She is so darn smart. She is so darn happy. She is so darn beautiful. She is so darn AMAZING. I am so thankful to God for creating Zoya to be ours. We are beyond blessed. I am so thankful we stopped with all the excuses, the what-ifs, the worries about people judging us or not accepting our decision, stopped worrying about things we couldn't control....I'm so thankful we stopped all that and just listened and followed and received such an amazing blessing.
Zoya's first time sitting on Santa's lap!! She only tried to take his glasses off a couple of time (notice he is holding her hand down hehe). She felt his beard and smiled at him a couple of times, then we reached back to us like, OK that was fun but a little weird, I'm ready for you to hold me now!
And then....after ZOYA POOPED ON THE POTTY and took a nap, it was time to make gingerbread men! (Yes I realize those two things in the same sentence might give you a bad picture in your mind, but I had to brag about my girl going on the potty since every other time we tried she'd wait us out then crawl to the corner and go in her diaper!!....annnnnyways....)
A little break for a smooch from her buddy Seth...
And at the risk of Zoya hating me forever when she realizes in 10 years that I uploaded this picture......
It was just too darn funny not to! It looks like I blacked out her tooth with a marker, but thats all gingerbread cookie! Haha.
Our little gingerbread family...notice the hand coming in for steal?? That would be Zoya!
I never imagined someone so little could make an impact so big!