Sunday, December 13, 2009

Our First Choice

Along this journey, many people have had a hard time understanding why we would want to adopt a child with special needs.  Many people assumed or speculated that we must not be able to have biological children.  A lot of people, upon hearing our adoption news, would say something along the lines of "thats so wonderful, I didn't realize you couldn't have your own kids," or "how exciting" and then they would ask friends of our if we were unable to have our own children. Others have gone on to ask if we will ever have biological children.  In many people's eyes we are doing things backwards.  In God's eyes we are follwing his plan.  Somewhere along the way, I found a good answer to give to those wondering, "can't you have 'your own' children?"  I reply "adoption is our first choice."  When people realize adoption is our first choice, that almost opens it up for them to feel that they are all of a sudden allowed to judge.  They react differently than when they assumed we couldn't have biological children.  They say things they never would have said if we were adopting as a second choice.  It's almost like it if were our second choice, then it would be okay, but since it is our first choice, people have a very hard time understanding why we would choose to do this since we have the ability to have our "own" children.  Well Zoya is our "own" child.  She may not have been made from our genetic makeup, but she has been born in our hearts.  I don't see any difference other than that obvious fact.  This may not be the "old fashioned way" of having a family, but it's God's plan for our family and we will honor His plan.  He is the only audience we care to please.

Our FIRST choice is Zoya.  We already love her to the moon and back. 


  1. I also would like to adopt children with Down Syndrome--whether or not I am able to have a biological child. Congratulations on Zoya! I hope you get to bring her home soon!


  2. I think it is a great plan & love the way you express your thought on this topic. Adopting *before* you have other children is a wonderful choice! That way you can travel and focus on just her initially.

    Some people might have a hard time understanding the choice to adopt before having biological children, and still others will have a hard time understanding why you would choose to adopt a child with special needs (even though you've covered this).

    You already know Zoya as Zoya, as your first choice. Adopting her is a perfect choice. She is perfect herself, perfect for you and vice versa.

    I'm excited for you to travel, meet her and bring her home to that cute bedroom and a lifetime full of love!

  3. I just learned of your adoption plans when I read the Mercyhurst Alumni newsletter. My husband, a Gannon guy, has a sister with downs. She is 54!, one of ten children and the real treasure of the family. Even though I don't know you I am so proud of you and wish you the best on this wonderful journey.

  4. You say the things I feel so perfectly. I wish I could speak like you. We have 4 children and this is our first adoption. When people see us they say, Are they all adopted? or Are any of them your real kids? I tell them they are all my "real" kids. Although once I did think about saying that one was made out of wax but really looked life like, lol. We also hear, wow are you crazy? Thats before they find out she has special needs. Congrats on your adoption.

  5. All I can say is, you are amazing Sarah.... God Bless you, Shawn, and Zoya