Thursday, December 3, 2009

Lasts and Firsts

Each day that passes, I think, that is the LAST September 15th, or November 25th, or December 1st, that Zoya will ever spend alone without her family. Every day I picture that specific day next year and wonder what we will be doing with our baby girl. On Thanksgiving as we sat down to eat all I could think about was Zoya and how this will be her LAST Thanksgiving alone in an orphanage and how next year will be her FIRST Thanksgiving with her family who loves her so much. We even talked about how next Thanksgiving Zoya will be sitting at the table with us. Next Thanksgiving we will sit down to eat and remember our days without Zoya and her days without us. We will be so thankful that we have each other because she needs us and we need her. This year as we were eating I imagined Zoya sitting to my right smiling and throwing mashed potatoes. I wanted her there so bad that it hurt my heart in a way I've never felt before. I wanted her there so bad that when I closed my eyes for a moment, I could see and feel her there with us. I imagined looking at Shawn and smiling at each other as we realized this amazing dream has come true. I imagine reminiscing about how we were so scared to step out on faith and take this journey, but also knowing it was the most amazing leap of faith we've ever taken. Imagining what life will be like from one year from each day, when we are together with our Zoya, makes the pain of not having her here sting a tiny bit less.

As we decorated for Christmas all I could think of was Zoya. This will be the LAST Christmas she will have to wake up alone without hugs and kisses. Next Christmas will be her FIRST Christmas seeing Christmas trees with lights and decorations. It will be her FIRST Christmas knowing the love of a family. It will be her FIRST Christmas feeling like she is part of our family.

As each day passes, we have more and more reason to celebrate because every day that passes is one less day Zoya will be stuck in a lonely crib longing for her family.

This year will be the LAST for so many sad things in Zoya's life. Next year will be the FIRST for so many happy things. As each day goes by, the waiting gets harder and our hearts ache more with a desire to have Zoya home, but the realization that Zoya is one day closer to being home with us fills our hearts to the point of overflow.


  1. I’m holding a $1 challenge over at, on the countdown to Christmas. Kiril is a little boy with significant special needs who has been waiting on Reece’s Rainbow for a long time, and has been bedridden in an institution for over 6 months now. My goal is to get as many people as possible to donate just ONE dollar to Kiril’s RR grant.

    I’ve contacted many people about this already, in the hopes that they will SPREAD THE WORD, EVEN IF THEY CAN’T DONATE. To date, there’s been an amazing response, but Kiril’s path home is still far from sure. I know it is usually against the unwritten ‘rules’ to ask an adopting family for anything – and I can see why. But if you are part of a loving, supportive community, which might be inclined to help in spreading this message and saving this little boy's life, I humbly ask that you let them know about this fundraiser. I have great faith that together, we can give Kiril hope and a future THIS Christmas. Thank you.

  2. Dear Sarah and Shawn, Well put!! The Last of many things for Zoya but the thrill of the many firsts you will have with her WOW!!!Keeping you in our prayers Kathy PS What you wrote made me cry and realize God has such a special plan for Zoya! I can't wait along with so many others to welcome her and shower her with hugs,kisses,and unconditional love like God does for us!