Each day that passes, I think, that is the LAST September 15th, or November 25th, or December 1st, that Zoya will ever spend alone without her family. Every day I picture that specific day next year and wonder what we will be doing with our baby girl. On Thanksgiving as we sat down to eat all I could think about was Zoya and how this will be her LAST Thanksgiving alone in an orphanage and how next year will be her FIRST Thanksgiving with her family who loves her so much. We even talked about how next Thanksgiving Zoya will be sitting at the table with us. Next Thanksgiving we will sit down to eat and remember our days without Zoya and her days without us. We will be so thankful that we have each other because she needs us and we need her. This year as we were eating I imagined Zoya sitting to my right smiling and throwing mashed potatoes. I wanted her there so bad that it hurt my heart in a way I've never felt before. I wanted her there so bad that when I closed my eyes for a moment, I could see and feel her there with us. I imagined looking at Shawn and smiling at each other as we realized this amazing dream has come true. I imagine reminiscing about how we were so scared to step out on faith and take this journey, but also knowing it was the most amazing leap of faith we've ever taken. Imagining what life will be like from one year from each day, when we are together with our Zoya, makes the pain of not having her here sting a tiny bit less.
As we decorated for Christmas all I could think of was Zoya. This will be the LAST Christmas she will have to wake up alone without hugs and kisses. Next Christmas will be her FIRST Christmas seeing Christmas trees with lights and decorations. It will be her FIRST Christmas knowing the love of a family. It will be her FIRST Christmas feeling like she is part of our family.
As each day passes, we have more and more reason to celebrate because every day that passes is one less day Zoya will be stuck in a lonely crib longing for her family.
This year will be the LAST for so many sad things in Zoya's life. Next year will be the FIRST for so many happy things. As each day goes by, the waiting gets harder and our hearts ache more with a desire to have Zoya home, but the realization that Zoya is one day closer to being home with us fills our hearts to the point of overflow.