5 months ago today, on St. Patrick's Day, I could have never imagined what Zoya would be like 5 months later. I could have never imagined she would have learned as much as she has. I could have never imagined her starting to look like a big girl. When I look back on our "Metcha Day" I just remember a helpless sad little soul who still had some fight left in her. She couldn't be further from that memory today. Each day I am starting to see that helpless little baby from March 17th turn into a big girl. Her pudge is leaving her cheeks and her belly a little at a time. She does big kid things like try to snap her fingers and dance with her body to the beat of the music. She is feeding herself. She wants to be so independent and is working so hard to walk as her primary means of movement. She wants to brush her own teeth now (of course I only let her after I've already brushed them good). She is starting to express her opinions on things which has been oh so fun (most of the time the opinion expressed is "I'd rather not be doing what you want me to do right now" but it is an opinion none the less and I treasure that).
In so many ways I can't believe that Zoya is growing up right before my eyes...I expected her progress to be much slower I have to admit. I expected to have more time with her being a "baby." I expected that she would blossom, but not this fast. I can only thank God for all the changes we have seen in such a short period of time. It is beyond amazing to watch her come to life. We had two main goals for Zoya when we adopted her and that was for her to use her God-given talents in this life whatever they may be, and secondly to JUST. BE. HAPPY. She is happy without a doubt. Her God-given talents are beginning to unfold and it is so fun to watch. Like I've said before, when I grow up, I want to be just like her. She gets it...LIFE that is. She knows what is important. She loves with an open heart. She doesn't hold a grudge. She shows her affection a million times a day. Of all these things, I realized today, while we were at the mall, the thing I love the most about Zoya is how she doesn't care what other people think of her. As we were strolling through the mall in and out of stores, different songs would be playing in each store. As we went into every store she would throw her hand up, start trying to snap her fingers, and shake her hips and shoulders with all her might, without a care in the world who was watching. Dance like nobody is watching....check. Love like you've never been hurt.....check. You see, one thing I have trouble with in this life is expressing my emotions (gratitude, excitment, thankfulness, sorrow, and so on) in front of others...face to face....or in a place where other people can see me having those emotions. I would so love to be able to walk into the Gap or Wegmans and just start bustin' a move. But I can't do that. But maybe one day, with Zoya by my side, I just might have to do that!
Zoya is content in each moment of the day while the rest of us spend our time waiting for life to begin. We spend time waiting for one chapter to be over and another to begin. Zoya spends her time cherishing and admiring each letter of each word on the page. Wherever she is and whatever she is doing, she is there doing it with all her heart and focused completely on that one moment. What an amazing way to live. I look up to my little girl.
So since she is getting to be such a big girl, at the last minute of our mall trip, I changed direction and took Zoya to get her ears pierced. I was sweating and my heart was pounding because I felt like an awful mother because I knew she'd cry. In fact I was so sure that she would cry and scream that (because I do care what people think of me unfortunately) I paid ahead of time and was ready to bust outta there, run to the parking lot, get her out of the stroller and hold her and apologize while she cried. She. didn't. flinch! She was more upset with the girl trying to put a dot on her ears! Ears pierced, lollipop and a nice calm walk to the car with no tears. In so many ways I see glimpses of Zoya as a big girl....but for now and probably always, I will still think of her as my baby. She indulges me by letting me snuggle with her on the couch, or asking me to rub her belly, or insisting that I pick her up and hold her all day long some days! I am so blessed with my pretty pretty-wanna be big girl-but will still always be my baby-princess!